I’ve had my therapist for about 10 years now. I’ve had some breaks in between, but of course she knows me well. I really think I’ve progressed a lot and learnt about myself a lot.
Lately, the last 3-4 months I’ve had - I think - some breakthrough insights of things I was stuck with. And it’s been a turmoil, emotionally draining for me. I think I’ve started getting tired of therapy - not because it’s interfering with my life or anything bad, it’s just become a task that I begin to think can end up being exhausting. And just to clarify, my therapist doesn’t push me… I just start talking and sometimes a light bulb appears and it hits me.
Last session I talked to them and told them I had a topic I never discussed in therapy or anywhere else. I haven’t discussed with friends or family, it’s a boundary I created and never let anyone cross and that I felt I want it to talk about it because I was thinking it connected to other issues we’ve discussed… but I told them I fear too much being judged.
And I talked for about 30’… during which they asked me some questions (more to clarify the situation) and then at the end I throw up a phrase like “I do this…. To avoid…” and then they said the same phrase I used in a “harsher” tone. Not bad, not mean… kind of using a slang or more informal terms. Then they told me they think we could wrap the session. We still had 15min left. They asked if I wanted to talk about something else. I said no.
Look, I felt judged.
And I regret talking about it.
I regret it because I kind of knew I’d felt judged. Which is exactly how I feel. And now I’m wondering if I should stop therapy with them.
I don’t know how to move on. I don’t want to face them in our next session. It’s a stupid topic, it’s not even shocking or damaging. It’s just something I don’t like to talk about of my personal life.
And I’ve thought about just dropping therapy because I don’t think they understand that it was a big deal to me. I talked for an hour and I think it’s such a superfluous topic that it can pass as me being over dramatic. But I wasn’t. I don’t like to talk about it and now I feel exposed.
I don’t know how to talk to them anymore.