Hi everyone, I’m new to the subreddit and moderately new to being ex-Christian. I haven’t really believed in Christ since I was kid but just went along because I wanted to belong, and when I went to college my family had pressured me to stay involved in the ministry (they do not know my lack of faith). Anyways I got roped into this ministry for about 3 years and have served as a leader.
It wasn’t until maybe a month ago I had a real internalized confrontation with the fact that I no longer believed in God and knew I couldn’t continue on. Next school year I will be living with some more Christian guys (already am) but I’ll have a job and will be devoting the minimum amount of time to keep up appearances.
In the meantime, I am unfortunately going on a mission to a city in India for 7 weeks with a group of 3 other people. I feel terrible about going on a mission to spread, not only a gospel I do not believe, but something that is actively antagonistic and hateful to the place I am going. I’ve already got everything raised so there is no backing out now. I’m really just looking for some advice from people who may have been in similar shoes.