My (47M) wife (47F) have been married 14 years. When we met and started dating, non monogamy was part of it, and I was clear that I wasn't interested in a monogamous relationship. I had been in the lifestyle for years and she was new but seemed enthusiastic and excited for the adventure. We weren't every day players, but fairly active, playing several times a year more or less. I would say we were swingers with a hotwife bent. When covid hit, that basically stopped. Then we had some loss in the family, mourning etc. Now the last kid is off to college and we're empty nesters. I had been trying to get things going again, suggesting apps, suggesting dates at clubs etc and just getting very lackluster responses from her. Finally after some pressing, she just admitted she isn't interested in that anymore. She says she is completely satisfied with me and doesn't need any other lovers. She also doesn't want me to continue without her. I have tried to communicate that this is a huge unexpected development, that I was not ready to close that door, but its futile. She is done and needs me to be done if we are going to remain together. I choose her, hands down, but I'm struggling with feelings of unfairness and resentment, and also lust for something closed off to me now. I feel like I now have to change a fundamental part of my sexuality to accommodate her. Really I feel heartbroken. Anyone else in this spot? Any tips or encouragement on how to cope, how to avoid letting resentment build? Also, if you're just going to say "Get divorced" thanks for the advice but that's not what I'm looking for.
u/Alone_Inspection3064
My (47M) wife (47F) and I have been married for 14 years. When we got together, we were non monogamous from the start with a heavy bend towards the hotwife lifestyle. I was involved in it previously, she was not and I introduced her to it. We were fairly active in the beginning and feel that I was very clear that this was something very important. She seemed fully engaged and if I'm being honest, that was a big factor in me deciding to get more and more serious and ultimately marry. During covid everything ground to a halt pretty much, but as things loosened, she didn't seem interested in resuming activities. I've tried to talk to her about it, and she immediately becomes defensive. She insists she's completely satisfied by me and doesn’t want or need to be physical with any other men. Of course I respect that, but I just can't help but feel tricked. I was not expecting the door to be closed on that at this point in my life. I love her, she's my best friend and partner but I can't help but feel this resentment growing in me. Anyone have any tips or can anyone else out there relate?