u/Alone_Cause6464

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know if I’m cut out to be alive I’m only 23 and I have so much hardship to go through. My life is the easiest it’s ever going to be at this moment and yet it feels so hard to do anything. I have dreams but I fear I won’t be able to achieve that. I lie in relationships so I’m viewed as bubbly and happy and just an addition to life to someone but even without ever being vulnerable about my dark feelings I still end up losing people. I feel like I don’t know how I’m going to keep on if even the character I portray can’t succeed. I don’t have success in any aspect of life and when I feel up it never last long. I always come back to this realization that I’ll drain myself and try so hard but I end up alone unwanted and ultimately ruining my life again and again. I know it’s all me. I don’t have the mental strength to keep my head up I constantly feel like I latch to anything that makes me feel something other than unable to keep going and when I don’t have that I have no distraction from ultimately knowing I’m not capable of things that most people are. It hurts.

I got dumped suddenly a week ago by my boyfriend literally 30 minutes before I was supposed to see him. We were together 7 months and I had honestly thought I found the perfect guy, he was so good to me and I think that’s what’s making me so hard for me. We had only had a couple arguments and things he didn’t like and I was working on but none of it was to me unfix able just like communication issues and things I thought any relationship had. Overall I thought it was a very healthy and happy relationship up until literally the end. He told me he has never felt this way about anyone else but he just needs time to work on himself. He says he thinks he’s too hard on me and he doesn’t think he’s cut out to be a boyfriend. This was so hard for me to hear because I felt like I only ever told him how amazing he was and how lucky I felt. And before me he had been single for years because he was going through a rough time in his life. After the break up we still kinda texted because it wasn’t a bad break up and we still care for each other. And he had said the next day that maybe it doesn’t have to be permanent but he wants to work on himself and he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready so he doesn’t want to ask me to wait on him. It’s been a week now and we’ll still occasionally text. I want to be with him so bad but I don’t know if he really means what he says. Any advice from anyone who’s experienced something similar? I also want to add I don’t know if this means anything but I was his first girlfriend and he would tell me sometimes that he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.