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To give context last summer I had a big crush on my friend Ethan, but I didn’t think he liked me since he was on and off with another girl, even though he’d do small things like hug me or touch my arm (hes not a very touchy person) One weekend before midterms, we were drinking with friends, and Ethan admitted he had feelings for me last summer, even after breaking up with his girlfriend. We were both drunk, and when he told me, I got nervous and brought up his current girlfriend. After that, I tried to keep things from being awkward because I value our friendship, though my feelings still come and go. At the time, he was in a relationship, and I’d heard it wasn’t a very good one. Now fast forwarding to finals weekend, we decided to drink; to make it better, we had a reason to drink, Ethan broke up with that girl. Now before he broke up with that girl, I met this other girl Carly, shes a bisexual, and super hot but not the problem right now. Ethan had just broken up and was drinking with Lacey, Carly, and our friends. I showed up and started drinking too while we all hung out. Carly wasn’t drinking since she had work in the morning and was about to leave, so Ethan walked her to her car. It's now maybe an hour since they left, and Lacey had Ethans location, still saying he was here, so we went to hunt them down, and turns out they were hanging out in Carlys car for an hour. I get in the backseat for some unknown reason, and our friends just leave me, Carly, and Ethan in the car (stupid to be honest). All we did was listen to music and talk about how he needs advice for dumping his girlfriend (she was crappy). Somewhere in the middle of that topic, Ethan took mine and Carlys hand, and I made a joke about a hand threesome (were you hold hands three ways, stupid name, im aware). Now were all just saying whatever still holding hands, now this is were it gets complicated. There I am still got feelings for the loser named Ethan, even though hes kinda a ick, and Carly, who is still by the way super hot, but just met her so tryna be like nonchalant and crap (also not bi, just really into this girl). I let go of both their hands and try to fix my shirt, and I look back and see Ethans hand on Carlys thigh. In that moment I just laughed, even though I was maybe jealous, (of which one? not sure yet, Ill figure it out). We came back, he suddenly started holding me. I was calling him stupid but didn’t pull away, we stayed like that for a while, and I was playing with his hair (I know, bad idea). The next day, super hungover, I texted him apologizing, but he said he was uncomfortable with how close I was, which confused me since he initiated it. I still apologized and am giving him space, but it’s been on my mind. I also apologized to Carly, and she said we’re fine, me and carly are even hanging out next weekend. I don’t know what to do now. I feel like I should focus on moving on, but part of me still wants to be around him.