u/Alarmed-Ostrich-5665

Please advise on how to deal with what I think is a splitting on me (i think FP), (partner is undiagnosed but exhibits many signs of bipolar). I haven’t been able to reach him and he didn’t show up to our last arranged meeting. He hasn’t answered calls or messages.

Recently, we had an argument (I was very drunk and had period brain) about sex and how I sometimes couldn’t read him in terms of wanting to have sex. He took that as me not actually knowing him as much as he thought I did. This I think is the trigger for the splitting as his behavior has been very absent with me, rather than being in a depressive episode he seems to be fine when before I was very much treated like an FP.

Please advice on how to proceed, I am really struggling with anxiety over this.

Hi everyone. I (F21) have been dating a wonderful man (22). He is autistic and I’m pretty sure has undiagnosed bipolar . Since we met in Octobe, everything has been perfect, like a dream come true. Recently, we had an argument (I was very drunk and had period brain) about sex and how I sometimes couldn’t read him in terms of wanting to have sex. He took that as me not actually knowing him as much as he thought I did. Although we resolved it, I’ve noticed since he’s been getting a bit distant with me, refusing deep conversations and not messaging or calling me (we didn’t really message a lot anyway). There have been several ‘wobbles’ where he’s done this and each time I go to see him and he instantly snaps back to being happy and is fine. However this week, he’s completely disappeared and when I did go to see him once he acted like everything was fine but I knew it wasn’t. For the first time ever, he didn’t show up to an arranged thing of picking me up from work and lied? to his mum that he thought it was a different day and had messaged me an apology when he didn’t and wasn’t picking up the phone. since I’ve been reading up on bipolar, I’m starting to think I was a FP and due to the sex argument and thinking I don’t know him, he’s split on me. Any advice please as I am really worried/spiralling and dont know how to move forward. We have a holiday coming up in June. I have very bad breakup anxiety which is causing me to have crippling anxiety over the situation

EDIT 

The sex argument was the first argument we’ve ever had, before we had disagreements sure but everything was communicated and calm etc. this time he genuinely was upset and took it as i didn’t know him as much as he thought he did. Due to other patterns of behavior which i have read up on of bipolar, this seems to me like it was him splitting on me as he saw me outside of that idyllic status of a favourite person as if i had betrayed him etc. since this argument, although we’ve met up a few times, he’s been somewhat distant and withdrawn/quiet, cancelling on our plans to go out and the last time we did he was in a weird rage full mood i’ve never seen before and dropped the news he planned to go to south america in a few months (another manic thing from him as he regularly does stuff mentioned above like quitting his job one day or his favourite gym glass etc and always reverts back to going to thailand when he feels depressed or out of options) and also same day mentioned moving to thailand. since that day he then didn’t message me for three days and i went to see his mum and hang out with her but also talk about the recent vibe because he shuts down all serious conversations recently (he did quite a bit before but you could sometimes get him in a good open mood). he came home saw me and was happy and when i asked why he hadn’t messaged me he said he didn’t know. the next morning he was supposed to drop me to the station but he didn’t, saying he didn’t feel well. before i left i told him i loved him but i didn’t feel 100% loved lately and he just said yeah im rubbish i know to which reassured him otherwise and left on a good note with the promise of him picking me up from work the next day and spending friday together. i called him not long after i left as i left my make up and he picked up and sounded fine but later i messaged and called to say i passed my theory to no reply. since then he didnt turn up to pick me up from work again no message or call and i just asked his mum if he was okay and she said ‘he’s fine but thought it was another day and messaged me an apology’ which he hadn’t and she said tho he retreated and told her to mind her own business, he then came back down to have dinner and is fine. since i’ve not heard from him till yesterday where he just said ‘what are you doing today’ and i replied with what time finish work but nothing further happened or was heard. usually he gets into very depressive episodes as i’ve mentioned, and seeing me immediately snaps him out of them, however this is weird to me because he’s like very quickly switching between fine and not fine but with me sort of out of the equation which given the argument makes me assume i’m a favourite person that’s been split on. 

Hi everyone. I (F21) have been dating a wonderful man (22). He is autistic and I’m pretty sure has undiagnosed BPD. Since we met in Octobe, everything has been perfect, like a dream come true. Recently, we had an argument (I was very drunk and had period brain) about sex and how I sometimes couldn’t read him in terms of wanting to have sex. He took that as me not actually knowing him as much as he thought I did. Although we resolved it, I’ve noticed since he’s been getting a bit distant with me, refusing deep conversations and not messaging or calling me (we didn’t really message a lot anyway). There have been several ‘wobbles’ where he’s done this and each time I go to see him and he instantly snaps back to being happy and is fine. However this week, he’s completely disappeared and when I did go to see him once he acted like everything was fine but I knew it wasn’t. Fir the first time ever, he didn’t show up to an arranged thing of picking me up from work and lied? to his mum that he thought it was a different day and had messaged me an apology when he didn’t and wasn’t picking up the phone. since I’ve been reading up on BPD, I’m starting to think I was a FP and due to the sex argument and thinking I don’t know him, he’s split on me. Any advice please as I am really spiralling and dont know how to move forward. We have a holiday coming up in June. I have very bad breakup PTSD and abandonment issues which is causing me to have crippling anxiety over the situation.