u/Aimless-wanderer96

I come from a small coastal town in England, high poverty rate, crime, homelessness the lot, it feels like the country itself is slipping or declining, the wrong people in power, how easily most of this country and others are persuaded, I have suffered with my mental health ever since I can remember, I am now 29 and finally I snapped and broke down.

I have tried since 14 to get help, I always felt off or different, people would describe how they think or feel and I was not relatable at all, I went to doctors, was brushed off as stress or hormonal, as I got older I was repeatedly get referred to mental health services only to be rejected and rinse and repeat every 6 months.

I lost my first born son at 20, medical error during labour, I have never felt so powerless or useless then having to watch my son slowly fade over hours as he was brain dead, I was a kid having a kid, thinking I knew everything or everything would work out.

I lost everything after, myself, my relationship, house, all of it, gone, I didn’t care, I’ve been lucky enough since then to meet someone who listens and promotes ideas and things I would never do, take, express feelings etc.

After years we had another child after her contraception failed, we had a daughter and my mental health wobbled again, I’ve always worked full time, paid rent, bills, cause time heals all wounds right? I thought if I lived how we are meant to surely something would help me somewhere.

After nearly taking my own life I have been accepted into mental health services, I’m on waiting lists for therapy since January, right to chose for adhd and autism at 29.

I look around and I dunno, some many males seem to struggle, be happy or have a purpose, talking groups as growing but I feel like I don’t relate, I’ve debated started my own group or channel to try get a community of males struggling to support or just give advice to others.

The stress and pressure of existing seems monumental now, future is unclear, the world seems crazy sometimes, I wonder if things ever will get better or if a decline is just gonna continue, I struggle daily and basically only live by guilt tripping myself to not act upon thoughts I’ve had consistently for years.

Does it get better? Do others wish there was more support or just others who would listen and understand?

I live in England and I’m 29, to shorten the story a lot when I was 20 I lost my first born son, medical negligence by the hospital and sadly he passed away after 13 hours but it’s was a hard complicated day, I was then stuck on the maternity ward for a month of recovery well my ex partner recovered as she was also high risk and touch and go.

I was a kid having a kid and when everything went wrong I was offered no help or support, the first year I just blew off, angry, drink, drugs, anything to numb myself or to risk causing harm to them not be here.

Fast forward to last year me and my partner were expecting our son, this obviously had a huge impact on me, more then I knew or expected, but our son was born happy and health.

I mentally snapped, I couldn’t sleep, eat, focus, guilt, anxiety all of it led me to an early morning walk where out of no where I ended up on a bridge at 5AM about to jump, I didn’t and went to get help asap.

Since all of this I have finally been accepted by the mental health team after 9 years of trying and being rejected telling me I’m fine and got normal issues and struggles.

Since January I’ve been seen multiple times by psychiatrist, psychologist etc been diagnosed complex PTSD, emotional dysregulation, and I also need to do right to chose as they believe I am ADHD and autism possibly dyslexia also.

Since all of this I’ve been signed off worked medically, I’m not allowed to work when I’ve always worked 40 hours and provided, no I’m not, I have no routine, and keep getting letters saying I’m not waiting lists for therapy but it’s a long wait list,

I’ve been signed off since January, I’m stuck waiting on therapy and experimenting with medication as I also have a serotin imbalance and most anti depressants etc use serotin hench why I’ve been so ill for years forcing the medication.

I just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar boat? How did you keep and not get worse mentally? I feel like I’m sink further away and I’m just being told to wait, I can’t work, been told I can only work 20 hours in a job market that barely employs full time, I’m stuck and I feel like me “getting help” has made me worse.

I live in England and I’m 29, to shorten the story a lot when I was 20 I lost my first born son, medical negligence by the hospital and sadly he passed away after 13 hours but it’s was a hard complicated day, I was then stuck on the maternity ward for a month of recovery well my ex partner recovered as she was also high risk and touch and go.

I was a kid having a kid and when everything went wrong I was offered no help or support, the first year I just blew off, angry, drink, drugs, anything to numb myself or to risk causing harm to them not be here.

Fast forward to last year me and my partner were expecting our son, this obviously had a huge impact on me, more then I knew or expected, but our son was born happy and health.

I mentally snapped, I couldn’t sleep, eat, focus, guilt, anxiety all of it led me to an early morning walk where out of no where I ended up on a bridge at 5AM about to jump, I didn’t and went to get help asap.

Since all of this I have finally been accepted by the mental health team after 9 years of trying and being rejected telling me I’m fine and got normal issues and struggles.

Since January I’ve been seen multiple times by psychiatrist, psychologist etc been diagnosed complex PTSD, emotional dysregulation, and I also need to do right to chose as they believe I am ADHD and autism possibly dyslexia also.

Since all of this I’ve been signed off worked medically, I’m not allowed to work when I’ve always worked 40 hours and provided, no I’m not, I have no routine, and keep getting letters saying I’m not waiting lists for therapy but it’s a long wait list,

I’ve been signed off since January, I’m stuck waiting on therapy and experimenting with medication as I also have a serotin imbalance and most anti depressants etc use serotin hench why I’ve been so ill for years forcing the medication.

I just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar boat? How did you keep and not get worse mentally? I feel like I’m sink further away and I’m just being told to wait, I can’t work, been told I can only work 20 hours in a job market that barely employs full time, I’m stuck and I feel like me “getting help” has made me worse.

I live in England and I’m 29, to shorten the story a lot when I was 20 I lost my first born son, medical negligence by the hospital and sadly he passed away after 13 hours but it’s was a hard complicated day, I was then stuck on the maternity ward for a month of recovery well my ex partner recovered as she was also high risk and touch and go.

I was a kid having a kid and when everything went wrong I was offered no help or support, the first year I just blew off, angry, drink, drugs, anything to numb myself or to risk causing harm to them not be here.

Fast forward to last year me and my partner were expecting our son, this obviously had a huge impact on me, more then I knew or expected, but our son was born happy and health.

I mentally snapped, I couldn’t sleep, eat, focus, guilt, anxiety all of it led me to an early morning walk where out of no where I ended up on a bridge at 5AM about to jump, I didn’t and went to get help asap.

Since all of this I have finally been accepted by the mental health team after 9 years of trying and being rejected telling me I’m fine and got normal issues and struggles.

Since January I’ve been seen multiple times by psychiatrist, psychologist etc been diagnosed complex PTSD, emotional dysregulation, and I also need to do right to chose as they believe I am ADHD and autism possibly dyslexia also.

Since all of this I’ve been signed off worked medically, I’m not allowed to work when I’ve always worked 40 hours and provided, no I’m not, I have no routine, and keep getting letters saying I’m not waiting lists for therapy but it’s a long wait list,

I’ve been signed off since January, I’m stuck waiting on therapy and experimenting with medication as I also have a serotin imbalance and most anti depressants etc use serotin hench why I’ve been so ill for years forcing the medication.

I just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar boat? How did you keep and not get worse mentally? I feel like I’m sink further away and I’m just being told to wait, I can’t work, been told I can only work 20 hours in a job market that barely employs full time, I’m stuck and I feel like me “getting help” has made me worse.