u/Aggravating_Bat_7036

I'm 24 and I've struggled with self harm since I was 14 and I've never really thought it was a big deal or anything serious. I know it's an unhealthy way to cope but I've always compared it to things like smoking. I've never really understood why it's so stigmatized or why people make a big deal when find out about it. It's just so normal to me and it's something that I've done for a really long time. I self harm and I live a completely normal life. I feel like this is my problem and I feel like this is why I've never been able to complete stop. I don't see it as something bad and that makes it hard for me to find a reason to stop.

I'm 24f and I work as a software developer. The job market for us right now is a mess but it's getting a little better. I’ve been working as a developer for about 4 years now and I've always had this constant fear of losing my job. I feel like the more experience I have the worse my fear gets. It's really bad now because I help my parents out and they rely on me a lot. If I lose my job it won’t only affect me but it would affect them as well. I actually did lose my job last year. The company I worked for shutdown and they had to let their workers go. I found another job that I hate but I was still greatful for it because any job is better than none. That job was really toxic. I was overworked and underpaid. It caused me a lot of emotional distress. I applied to over 500 jobs and I finally got an offer. I've been at this new job for just over 2 months and I love it. It feels secure, I love the people I work with, the salary is great and It's not as stressful.

I feel like I'm doing a good job but there is a part of me that also feels like I'm not. I've dealt with imposter syndrome ever since I got my first job. I keep thinking what if I'm working too slow or what if not doing a good enough job. I'm still new to this job and I'm still learning. I feel like like I should be working a lot faster and I should be doing more but I'm trying my best. I'm just so scared of losing this job. That thought is always in the back of my mind and I don't know how to make it go away. I think this is my biggest fear right now. This fear has gotten to the point where I obsess over it to a point where it's unhealthy but I don't know how to stop. I feel like I haven't been able to start living my life because of it. I'm scared to spend money because of it and I saved every cent that I possibly can. It even got to the point where I would eat only one meal a day to save money even though I didn't need to.

I think this fear came from the way I grew up. My family didn't have much when I was growing up. I remember my mom lost her job and my family didn't have any money saved up. We struggled so much after that. I remember how stressed my parents were because they didn't know if they would be able to make rent at the end of the month. I remember feeling so useless because I was a kid and I couldn't do anything to help. I don't ever wanna go through that again and I don't ever wanna feel like that again. That's why I make sure that my parents a taken care of and that's why I'm so terrified of losing my job. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just torturing myself by thinking about this but I can't make it stop.

I'm 24f and the past year has been rough. First I lost the job that I was at for 3 and a half years. The company shut down and they had to let all their workers go. Then I started working for a really toxic company right after. It was an abusive work environment. They were under paying me and I was working like 12 to15 hours everyday and even on weekends without any overtime pay. After over 500 job applications, I finally got an offer. I'm 2 months into this job and it's going really well but I still feel so burnt out from my last job. I'm not even over exaggerating but that job caused me so much emotional distress. It made me both mentally and physically sick.

I also lost my grandmother that I was really close with. She basically raised me. I've been struggling with that a lot and I don't really know how to deal with it. I've also been really stressed out with school. I'm currently doing my masters degree and I'm very behind on my thesis. I need to finish it soon but I am struggling. Today my landlord gave me 2 months notice and told me that I need to leave because he's selling the building that I live in. Now I only have 2 months to find a new place to live.

I'm so stressed out. Rent is so expensive and it's hard finding a place within my budget. I have some money saved up so I should have the first and last month's rent but it's still so stressful. I'm still on probation at my current job and it's been going really well so far. I keep catastrophizing and think about what if they decide to let me go after the evaluation period? That's probably not gonna happen but what if it does. What am I suppose to do if that happens. The "what ifs" are killing me. I'm so stressed and overwhelmed with life right now and I don't know what to do. I believe that things are going to work out but I just need someone to tell me that I'm going to be okay.