u/Aggravating-Exit-577

Ive had a massive crush on the same girl for about the past 3 years. We definitely have had some moments of connection but not enough for it to actually turn into something. I know i should get over her but every time i do she does something or we have a conversation that just pulls me right back in and its kind of like im in this cycle of being crazy for her, realising that i shouldnt like her because she rarely ever reciprocates feelings all ending with her wanting to play chess with me or her talking to me about her family life and that making me like her even more so than before. Its not like im in the friend zone either because i dont even think were friends ive never done anything to make her think i want to be friends i always go in with the idea that i want something more and she gives me a slice of that then pulls away for like a week. I havent even had the opportunity to get jealous and realise im being a schmuck because she literally doesnt speak to other guys, she once told me that she doesnt speak to guys because of her religion but then she contradicted herself by wanting to speak with me and play games with me literally the next day
My friends tell me that maybe she just likes the attention and ego boost i give her from hitting on her, is that true?

I was born an indian in south africa, not to immigrant parents - my family’s been here for about 4 generations so id say im just south african, its just that i feel like theres a stigma towards me for being a certain race thatll always make other people judge me and in turn make me have to work harder to even be accepted by the people in my own country. And the other indian people in my own community are all super religious and im an atheist so im not even accepted by them, i feel like a total outcast every single day of my life. I sometimes look at my own name and ask “why did i have to be cursed with this, why couldnt i be given something thats at least easy for people to pronounce”

Edit: i feel like i have to clarify that im indian but and in south africa theres many families of indian people where theres like a mix of some hindu and some muslim, i was born a hindu but i chose to become an atheist as a got older.