I (30F) spoke to my long distance husband (30M) in a rude manner. We have not talked in two days. Is my marriage over?
My husband and I are long distance (12 hour time diff). He works on a 15 day on/off shift (=15 days at work, then 15 days free at home).
The past two weeks have been hard for me since he was busy with his shift and after his shift, he visited his friend to work on a side business (he has been wanting to do that for a while).
We text back and forth consistently which is great. However, I prefer calls (he knows this) since i feel more connected. We were not able to have calls during that time (probably 3-4 calls for 10 mins). I was feeling lonely (i expressed it).
When he finally came back home, he was busy with family (his sister/nephews live with him plus his dad just landed to stay with him too). It is also the month of his mothers first death anniversary. And he also has to respond to a major change in his work contract this month.
I felt starved of his connection. I texted him angrily about how he doesn't remember to call me. He said "What do i want", I said "A fucking call". This is the first time I have sworn in an argument. But it is not the first time I have reacted angrily when I am pissed. I have said mean things before. He is kind-hearted, it's not in his nature to speak unkindly, even when we argue.
After I said those things, I texted him "Dont message me". We didnt message each other for one day.
The next day, I called him a couple of times, he didnt pick up. The he picked up and said "Lets talk later". I asked "Why". He said "Because I dont want to right now". My heart sunk.
Next morning, I call couple of times again. No answer. I text him if hoping he's okay and has a lovely day. No answer.
Next day, I call him again. No answer. I text him "I am confused, why are you stonewalling me, please explain so i can understand". He replies "I am not game to be spoken with rudely. Period. It's been happening for a while. I am not willing to participate"
Then I finally say "i hear you. i realize my words were hurtful and i am going to give you the space you asked for. i love you, and i am here when you feel ready" No reply.
Now it has been the most dreadful 48 hours of my life. Radio silence. What do i do? Is my marriage over?
FYI: The information I am writing above (about all the things he is going through has only occurred to me in hindsight during this 48 hour radio silence, he only expressed the bit about being spoken to rudely).