I am a sh¡t friend
I frankly dont know where to start so sorry if this is confusing.
Tagged this as NSFW as there are mentions or hints of depression/anxiety.
I 15f and my friend 15f (who i'll call tree for privacy) have been friends since year 6, so almost 4 years. The only thing is, I dont think im worthy of being her friend anymore.
In year 6 i moved to a new school and then met tree on my second day there, we got along quick as we shared alot of the same interest. That was until we had a falling out, that was my fault entirely.
I called her depressed out of the blue and she then stormed off, and i dont blame her. The same day after school i realised i fucked up, and tried to apologise. She rightfully ignored me.
Over the next few months i feel into a depression to the point i rarely went to school. Some of it was because of our falling out, but others was of other stuff (if you wish to know, ask).
At some point (i dont remember when) i texted her to apologise, and for some reason she agreed to forgive me if i apologised in person at school, i eventually did and our friendship slowly started rebuilding. The only thing was i didnt show up to school for weeks on end up until the school year ended.
Then highschool. We were going to go to the same highschool until i once more didnt show up to school for the first few weeks, this later caused me to go into homeschool (what im doing now).
A year-ish later her family moved, which shortened our visits to eachother expantanually. Over the past 2 years we've probably only seen each other about 5 or even less times. Due to that we mainly started talking via tiktok, mainly by streaks.
Which leads me to now. Tree is in a public school a bit away, and she now has a big? friend group and a boyfriend (as far as i know). Dont get me wrong im more than happy for her.
But whenever i see her stories on insta, it makes me feel like im not good enough to be her friend any longer. Not only for being a shit friend in the past, but the fact that we rarely talk outside of streaks.
I want whats best for her, and im thinking that not being her friend anymore is whats best for her.
I need help, please, even if its blunt and rude.