Ex M29 (I F26 broke up with) didn't send his condolences but broke no contact for other, pettier reasons. How do I approach my future healing with this information without breaking contact?
**TRIGGER WARNING**
TLDR: I (F26) broke up with ex (M29) who I gave multiple chances but he messed them up. I had no choice but to choose myself. He is filled with regret and always texts me breaking NC for HIS feelings. Now when I am suffering a huge, unexpected loss, it's silence. Any perspective here how to handle or if I am looking at this right?
I broke up with my BF of almost 3 years last month. We had broken up once before but he swore he changed, so we tried again for another 2 months from Feb-April. I broke up with him because he has, time after time, lacked in meeting my needs. My basic needs like emotional availability and communication (to the level of someone who is saying we're going to get married) while swearing up and down I am the love of his life and will be the mother of his children.
Anyway, I told him many times in person that I want to go no contact and I need to heal if he even wants me to consider getting back together once I let go of past traumas with him and he grows up. However, he has, multiple times, disrespected my no contact wishes and he contacted me. Either called me or texted me. 99% of the time, it's about his regrets about how he treated me, how he messed up, how much he loves me, his reflections, and his desire to get back together, etc. I shut it down most times, but I can't ignore him yet. It just makes me emotionally drained and honestly? Mad that he's saying all this when he had chance after chance after chance to show me.
Fast forward to last week, he texted me paragraphs and then retracted it a few hours later, saying he's sorry for texting me and he knows I don't want to hear these things. I thanked him for the basic consideration.
Today, my best friend who passed away in college unexpectedly, her family suffered another loss with her little brother committing suicide. I posted about it and he saw all the posts and my friends posts, so he knows it's related to my best friend who passed. And nothing. Silence.
This is me absolutely recognizing that he owes me NOTHING. Before anyone says anything, I know he owes me NOTHING. I don't expect it - I am disappointed that the times he chose to break boundaries were when it's convenient and necessary for him. Now, when it would've been the time to maybe debate breaking those boundaries and send his condolences, it's silence? His intentions may very well be "I don't want to break her boundaries, she has communicated she doesn't want to hear from me - now I will start respecting it." but the IMPACT is still me feeling like he has broken contact for less but now that it matters? I have nothing. He has the relief to getting his emotions off his chest but I am the "strong" one so I don't have that privilege.
How do I move forward with my healing knowing this information?