u/Affectionate-Appeal5

It’s been 9 years since the relationship ended - 7 years no contact - He reached out for the last time December 2025.

I had him blocked before that but unblocked briefly to view some messages to write a detailed journal note for therapy. I forgot to put his account on block again after that. I have since blocked him without responding.

Lets call my ex ‘A’

I’ve been through many therapists, only diving deep into within the past year. It’s been hard going back and remembering things long forgotten.

It feels like I’m addicted to that one relationship from so long ago and I have this compulsion to self trigger and longing to reach out and text A. I’ve been in a loving relationship since mid 2017 and tried to give “being friends” with A a shot but it didn’t work out… My husband knows about my ex and how much I still struggle, comparing it to Stockholm

He knows I have a really hard time when it comes to A… It feels like this trauma bond will never end. I know if I give in it would ruin my life.

How do you all deal with this feeling?! It’s been 9 YEARS :(

It’s been 9 years since the relationship ended - 7 years no contact - He reached out for the last time December 2025.

I had him blocked before that but unblocked briefly to view some messages to write a detailed journal note for therapy. I forgot to put his account on block again after that. I have since blocked him without responding.

I’ve been through many therapists, only diving deep into within the past year. It’s been hard going back and remembering things long forgotten.

It feels like I’m addicted to that one relationship from years ago and I have this compulsion to self trigger and longing to reach out when it comes to him. I’ve been in a loving relationship since mid 2017 and tried to give “being friends” with him a shot but it didn’t work out… My husband knows about my ex and how much I still struggle, comparing it to Stockholm

He knows I have a really hard time when it comes to my ex… It feels like this trauma bond will never end. I know if I give in it would ruin my life.

How do you all deal with this feeling?! It’s been 9 YEARS :(

⚠️ TW - SH ⚠️ Been clean for 5 months from cutting and 4 months from burning - Been doing well with the urges but every so often I’ll see a character SH in a show, or somebody online posting an SH alternative like just cutting different objects materials instead.

Whenever I see those things it’s not necessarily a trigger, however I feel drawn back to the euphoric feeling I’d get from SH. I somehow miss the free feeling I’d get after. And then days after, running my fingers over my wounds. Somehow, I feel pretty with them, even though I cover them and I’m the only one who knows they’re there. My little secret.

Sorry, I’m kind of just blabbing now - Been on and off self harming since 16, I’m 25 now…

I probable sound l crazy or weird but I’m wonder if anybody else has ever felt the same way; being drawn back by the euphoric feeling of SH?