u/Adventurous_Basis_47

I (27F) used to work for a company based in San Francisco last year. That’s where I met him, let’s call him Dave (35M). Dave was based in Berlin and was the team lead of the sister team I collaborated with. He was actually one of the coolest people I’ve worked with and ever since the beginning, I had a harmless crush on him.

We started talking quite more. He’d really help me navigate work-related situations and even otherwise, would always check up on me. For example, the entire team, including him were out during the Christmas break, but he made sure to reach out to me on Slack while he was out too. He’d notice almost everything about me, my eyes, my eyebrows, even my eyelashes. I eventually really started liking him and we started talking a lot more. When all of us were in Amsterdam for a company offsite, we were in a workshop and I doodled something on a piece of paper and just handed it over to him. He kept it with him for almost 8 months. Then another day, I complained on the slack channel about how I hated the lunch we had in office. He pinged me separately saying he was planning to step out to get something and if I wanted to join. I agreed, and then on the way back he asked if I wanted to take the longer route by the canal instead. I wanted to take a photo of the canal but my phone sucked so he offered his phone instead and while clicking it, turned the selfie camera on ended up taking a picture of us. This one day, we were talking and the sun was bothering my eye but I didn’t say anything. He noticed it and stood in front of me to block it.

Eventually, due to visa constraints, I had to move back to my home country. Because I shared an amazing dynamic with my team, I decided to fly via Amsterdam to meet my team based there. I opted for a 16 hour layover. Dave came all the way from Berlin just to see me for that layover which I really didn’t expect. Even after I left, we continued talking a lot. We started bonding over a lot of common interests. Turns out, we even had the same core childhood memory that I shared with my siblings. I never thought anyone could ever understand that, let alone someone from across the world.

Later, I found out he has a girlfriend. After that, I started deflecting the flirting and would time and again ask him about her. This one time, we were talking about something and he said something on the lines of “haha we can get married it’s fine”. I was like I don’t want to get beaten up by your girlfriend. He sajd “I think she’d be cool with it”. Earlier, he’s always held the stance of how he doesn’t wish to get married at all.

I realised this dynamic was detrimental for me and recently told him how I felt and that I needed to distance myself. I didn’t ask him anything about his feelings and only spoke about mine, taking full responsibility of it. Much to how I expected, he didn’t have a clear answer. But now, I’m feeling so so dejected. I didn’t even cry this much when I broke up with my long term boyfriend 7 months back. I had my own set of problems with that where I had to seek therapy to realise that I wasn’t emotionally safe in that relationship. I’m not saying ending that one hurt any less. But why is this thing hurting so much?

TLDR: I liked a guy from office and thought he liked me too, but later found out he had a girlfriend and that’s why I decided to step back. But now this is hurting so much.

I (27F) had recently posted on this sub about being in an equation with a former colleague (35M). We worked on the same project but in different teams. The long and short of it is that he and I spoke a lot, had common interests, in fact, we even had the same core childhood memory that I thought nobody in the world would share except me and my siblings, let alone someone on the other side of the world. He also flirted with me, called me beautiful multiple times. We’d spoke almost everyday until one of us fell asleep. But then I found out he had a girlfriend. I toned down my conversations a lot, never flirted back. I realised this dynamic was detrimental for me and recently told him how I felt and that I needed to distance myself. Much to how I expected, he didn’t have a clear answer. But now, I’m feeling so so dejected. I didn’t even cry this much when I broke up with my long term boyfriend 7 months back. I had my own set of problems with that where I had to seek therapy to realise that I wasn’t emotionally safe in that relationship. I’m not saying ending that one hurt any less. But why is this thing hurting so much?