venting, feeling hopeless because of anxiety disorder
My anxiety disorder and obsessional thoughts destabilize me often, extending me outward from others, chaining me to a sorrow that is only known through great strife. At 23 I feel 1,000; old, grey, drowsy. If ever 1,000 I would feel 23; young and hopeless. Lasting constricting thoughts beget a lonesome emotion that fill space where a person should be. Grim Images linger longer than they should in a way that stains me, Hurts me, Holds me. Hailing thoughts of scrutiny break every windshield of composure. I judge myself though I know I am not the one in control here. I fear others judge me because they see I am not in control… and that worries them. Rightly so, it worries me aswell, I continue on worried hopelessly. I’ve cried out for healing to a power I’ve only learned through song, dance, stories. A power I only know through pain. A power that only answers in disguise if at all. To this end, I am fully unaware of what’s to come of me. But, that delivers me a silver lining. As it stands now, I am giving most of what’s within my power to trek on, so that I may feel alive eventually.