u/Adorable_Reason_6675

well ig "wrong" is not the word? making a mistake in? have the wrong assumption on?

im gen z myself. and im slowly realizing as i get older, that yall might have a point in the advice youre giving that i used to just roll my eyes on. i started thinking about this when i realized that we're the generation that cares about mental health the most, but we suffer from it the most. and we're the generation that knows how to work social media, but we're less connected than ever. so id like to hear more opinions about it.

you know the feeling where you feel like youre no one's favorite person or you feel like you dont belong in a group and youre just forcing it? i get devastated when that happens because im very much a friendship person. but i see other people my age get hung up on romantic relationships and stuff. like they cant go through one week without talking to someone. and i wonder, as you get older, do you become more content with yourself? feeling like you dont need someone to want you or validate you?

i had my makeup done by someone who works in TV. i thought i was gonna look so good, but i was literally horrified when i saw myself after. dw i wasnt rude, i smiled and i thanked her. even shared a laugh. im someone with big eyes, sharp nose, but overall soft features. so i asked for soft and simple glam. but everything was intensified to the max. eyeliner all around my eyes, big ass lashes, contour on my nose, so much blush. i felt like i was about to fly away cuz of how big my lashes were. i was genuinely dreading getting my picture taken. to my surprise tho, in the picture, it looked fine?

thats what im overthinking about, maybe im just coping? cuz whenever they took a shot, my picture would flash on the screen in front of me, and it looked really pretty. like i was wearing a decent amount of makeup. so im wondering if it was intention to make it that heavy for the cameras? or if im just coping huhu. cuz i didnt really get close to the monitor to check my eyes (cuz thats where an insane amount of makeup was) but it looked really soft and pretty when i saw those small flashes.

i had this mindset before at 19, that i love and value my friends even if its not on equal terms. that would mean id be happy even if im not their favorite person because since i truly love them, i was happy to see them happy. i was in pure bliss during these moments. never a problem in my friendships. but then life happened and the friend group kind of got scattered around different classes. they made new friends, i made new friends. i was a social butterfly but i met a lot of shitty people who would just use me and disrespect me. i felt as if my energetic and bubbly personality was inviting disrespect cuz i think its the reason why a lot of people dont take me seriously. but ironically, thats what i loved about myself. being energetic and bubbly. despite that, i became more reserved.

i started being irritated towards a lot of people, i feel as if people are constantly judging me and laughing at me, im anxious to socialize now cuz all i can focus on is myself. cuz im so self conscious. and i lost the mindset i had at 19. im 22 now, i went down that rabbit hole at 21 and i feel as if im sabotaging myself now. i still get together with that main friend group of mine. but i cant enjoy life as i used to. even with them, i overthink what i say. i get insecure when they see something and their instinct is to go talk to their new friend about it when it used to be me. all this made me think "am i doing something wrong? why do i feel as if im nobody's favorite person?"

and thats when it hit me, i feel like im being a real shitty and self centered person right now. that if i really loved my friends, this wouldnt even crossed my mind. i feel like im causing a lot of problems for myself but i dont know how to fix it or get myself back. frankly, im tired. im so so tired. at this point, i dont care if this happened to me cuz of my experiences with other people, i just want a fix for it. cuz i feel like im self sabotaging now.

Problem/Goal: im quite confused myself on why im lonely. ive definitely been in worst head spaces as a teenager struggling with physical insecurities. i wonder if this is a phase people go through in their 20s or its just me? i find myself worrying too much about things that ive never worried about before, even if i know better. i get conscious of how i come across and how people perceive me. if im likable or if im tolerating too much and letting myself be disrespected and used. i know better, but it doesnt stop me from feeling anxiety or acting a certain way to make people like me. but i just come off as awkward. its not like i dont have friends. my group of friends was really solid 2 years ago. until life happened and we sorta just have different lives now even if we talk occassionally. i have friends i could ask to hangout or rant to. but i always just feel the same. there's this lonely feeling i cant put my finger towards.

im quite confused myself on why im lonely. ive definitely been in worst head spaces as a teenager struggling with physical insecurities. i wonder if this is a phase people go through in their 20s or its just me? i find myself worrying too much about things that ive never worried about before, even if i know better. i get conscious of how i come across and how people perceive me. if im likable or if im tolerating too much and letting myself be disrespected and used. its not like i dont have friends. my group of friends was really solid 2 years ago. until life happened and we sorta just have different lives now even if we talk occassionally. i have friends i could ask to hangout or rant to. but i always just feel the same. there's this lonely feeling i cant put my finger towards.

id really like to join competitions and instead of selling online, id like to experience putting up my own stall and selling my art personally.