u/AdiTheSeraphim

I ignored my mom since I was probably like 7 years old. Of course you have to discuss essential things with your parents, but besides that I would just ignore them.

Bring 23, growing up at my age, with computers and technology becoming more common, I feel like I lived life behind a screen, and I hated my childhood.

I recall recently my mom mentioning to me that I always used to ask “what’s the plan” her telling me that I always wanted to schedule things or that I was some sort of need to have a plan kind of person. I quickly reminded her that it was because I was bored, had nothing to do, that I actually wanted to do things or exist in real life.

I stopped talking to her after 7, there was an incident where I pushed my sister totally playfully, but she got hurt from falling down. I was mad.. already everyone was seeming dead in my family even my sister, I was only playful happy person. I felt like people would always get mad at me for being happy or playful. I suppose I associated being happy or playful from then on as something which would hurt others. This also felt like the final straw, I was tired. My dad locked in my the washing room for a few hours and I wouldn’t calm down screaming and punching everything. After I few hours I felt my will was defeated and gave up and sat down. I vowed I would never talk to them again. That didn’t really manifest towards my dad because he was never home anyway and when he was he was, well usually angry when getting home, but after calming from work he had quite an agreeable demeanor. However always being in physical proximity to an aloof and disagreeable mother I suppose that vow of silence manifested towards her. Except she never really made much effort in communicating with me either honestly. And my memory here is quite bad and I’m probably generous towards her here.

I think it’s likely both my parents were very narcissistic and emotionally unintelligent. My sister tried to kill herself, and the very first thing they told her was “how could you do this to us.”

It sucks because the one person you lean on most in your early childhood should be your mom, but for me it was a computer. My mom was too busy scrolling on her own phone, drinking, or just numbing out on her medication. And of course my dad was always at work because he ran 3 companies.

It hasn’t really been much hate usually, but just today I’ve been looking at photos of her and feeling what I would even call hate. After moving out 3 years ago or so, we have probably sent just 20 messages back and forth in that time.

Not only all this but I was always told I was quiet growing up, when I wasn’t when I was super super young, nor at school or with friends. That I was somehow to blame when they never once asked me how I felt, reached out, or tried to ever connect with me in any way. I remember once telling my mom I felt depressed and she just said something simple like she’s felt that too but nothing much and just walked out of the room.

I’ve never talked to a therapist about any of this, maybe I should, I don’t know how to come to terms with all of this. I’ve done lots of work on myself, meditation and spiritually, and I rarely think about it, and am actually quite happy. But when I do it’s hard to imagine all that I went through and all of the suffering, it’s at least nice to get some of it out here. I’ve never really told any of it to anyone in person.

I ignored my mom since I was probably like 7 years old. Of course you have to discuss essential things with your parents, but besides that I would just ignore them.

Bring 23, growing up at my age, with computers and technology becoming more common, I feel like I lived life behind a screen, and I hated my childhood.

I recall recently my mom mentioning to me that I always used to ask “what’s the plan” her telling me that I always wanted to schedule things or that I was some sort of need to have a plan kind of person. I quickly reminded her that it was because I was bored, had nothing to do, that I actually wanted to do things or exist in real life.

I stopped talking to her after 7, there was an incident where I pushed my sister totally playfully, but she got hurt from falling down. I was mad.. already everyone was seeming dead in my family even my sister, I was only playful happy person. I felt like people would always get mad at me for being happy or playful. I suppose I associated being happy or playful from then on as something which would hurt others. This also felt like the final straw, I was tired. My dad locked in my the washing room for a few hours and I wouldn’t calm down screaming and punching everything. After I few hours I felt my will was defeated and gave up and sat down. I vowed I would never talk to them again. That didn’t really manifest towards my dad because he was never home anyway and when he was he was, well usually angry when getting home, but after calming from work he had quite an agreeable demeanor. However always being in physical proximity to an aloof and disagreeable mother I suppose that vow of silence manifested towards her. Except she never really made much effort in communicating with me either honestly. And my memory here is quite bad and I’m probably generous towards her here.

I think it’s likely both my parents were very narcissistic and emotionally unintelligent. My sister tried to kill herself, and the very first thing they told her was “how could you do this to us.”

It sucks because the one person you lean on most in your early childhood should be your mom, but for me it was a computer. My mom was too busy scrolling on her own phone, drinking, or just numbing out on her medication. And of course my dad was always at work because he ran 3 companies.

It hasn’t really been much hate usually, but just today I’ve been looking at photos of her and feeling what I would even call hate. After moving out 3 years ago or so, we have probably sent just 20 messages back and forth in that time.

Not only all this but I was always told I was quiet growing up, when I wasn’t when I was super super young, nor at school or with friends. That I was somehow to blame when they never once asked me how I felt, reached out, or tried to ever connect with me in any way. I remember once telling my mom I felt depressed and she just said something simple like she’s felt that too but nothing much and just walked out of the room.

I’ve never talked to a therapist about any of this, maybe I should, I don’t know how to come to terms with all of this. I’ve done lots of work on myself, meditation and spiritually, and I rarely think about it, and am actually quite happy. But when I do it’s hard to imagine all that I went through and all of the suffering, it’s at least nice to get some of it out here. I’ve never really told any of it to anyone in person.