u/Adept-Dragonfly7134

Hey everyone

I’m 19 and in my first year of college. I just want to explain my situation and hopefully get some advice or hear from people who’ve felt something similar.

I’ve dated 3 women in my life and have also had a fair amount of experience with sex with women in general. I’ve also had a few hookups with men (not many), and overall I’ve genuinely enjoyed everything I’ve explored. I feel a strong attraction to both men and women, and I’m confident that I’m bisexual. The main difference is that most of my romantic feelings have been toward women so far.

Recently though, I’ve been overthinking what it means for me to identify as bisexual going forward. Coincidentally, every woman I’ve dated has also been bisexual. My most recent relationship (about 2 years) ended for reasons unrelated to this, but near the end my ex started having really intense discomfort around my bisexuality. She would get intrusive, upsetting thoughts and imagery about me being with men and said it was triggering for her. That experience really stuck with me.

After we broke up, I decided to explore my sexuality more, including sleeping with a few men. While I enjoyed those experiences at the time, afterwards I’ve been feeling a lot of shame about it. I also find myself worrying that being bisexual—especially having acted on it—might make me less desirable to women in the future.

Logically, I know a lot of this probably comes from internalised homophobia and insecurity, but emotionally it’s hard to shake. I feel like I’ve somehow “ruined” part of my identity or become less masculine in a way that I can’t undo, and I’m scared that being open about this in future relationships will always be complicated. Although even though I have shame surrounding sex with men I overall don't think I could have gone my whole life not knowing how I would feel about actually trying it.

I’ve also recently come out to a few friends, and they were really supportive—like, genuinely warm about it, even giving me a group hug. I’ve also answered some questions about my same-sex experiences because they asked, but now I’m kind of having regrets and wondering if I should’ve just kept it to myself or kept it more of a mystery. I know this is probably just me spiralling internally and that most people don’t actually care that much, but it still feels a bit scary because it’s all new and I’m trying to process a lot of feelings at once.

Has anyone else dealt with similar thoughts or regrets around coming out / being open? How did you move past the shame or fear of how others might see your bisexuality?

Hey everyone,

I’m 19 and in my first year of college. I just want to explain my situation and hopefully get some advice or hear from people who’ve felt something similar.

I’ve dated 3 women in my life and have also had a fair amount of experience with sex with women in general. I’ve also had a few hookups with men (not many), and overall I’ve genuinely enjoyed everything I’ve explored. I feel a strong attraction to both men and women, and I’m confident that I’m bisexual. The main difference is that most of my romantic feelings have been toward women so far.

Recently though, I’ve been overthinking what it means for me to identify as bisexual going forward. Coincidentally, every woman I’ve dated has also been bisexual. My most recent relationship (about 2 years) ended for reasons unrelated to this, but near the end my ex started having really intense discomfort around my bisexuality. She would get intrusive, upsetting thoughts and imagery about me being with men and said it was triggering for her. That experience really stuck with me.

After we broke up, I decided to explore my sexuality more, including sleeping with a few men. While I enjoyed those experiences at the time, afterwards I’ve been feeling a lot of shame about it. I also find myself worrying that being bisexual—especially having acted on it—might make me less desirable to women in the future.

Logically, I know a lot of this probably comes from internalised homophobia and insecurity, but emotionally it’s hard to shake. I feel like I’ve somehow “ruined” part of my identity or become less masculine in a way that I can’t undo, and I’m scared that being open about this in future relationships will always be complicated. Although even though I have shame surrounding sex with men I overall don't think I could have gone my whole life not knowing how I would feel about actually trying it.

I’ve also recently come out to a few friends, and they were really supportive—like, genuinely warm about it, even giving me a group hug. I’ve also answered some questions about my same-sex experiences because they asked, but now I’m kind of having regrets and wondering if I should’ve just kept it to myself or kept it more of a mystery. I know this is probably just me spiralling internally and that most people don’t actually care that much, but it still feels a bit scary because it’s all new and I’m trying to process a lot of feelings at once.

Has anyone else dealt with similar thoughts or regrets around coming out / being open? How did you move past the shame or fear of how others might see your bisexuality?