u/Adacross06

My boyfriend (28M) and I (25F) have been dating for almost a year. he hardly brings up a future with me. He does me, I’ve met his parents once. I’ve met and hangout with all his friends with him. And we practically live together. I go home once or twice a week.
In the beginning I was the avoidant one. I wanted it to be friends with benefits because I was single for over at that point and was prior in a really absuive relationship. After a few months he told me he wanted us to be together an that he liked me.

My problem is he hardly talks about a future with both of us. Like not one day when we get married or anything like that. Nothing. He has asked me once where do I see us in a year and I said not sure and he said hopefully we live together by then. He’s told me he’s loved me 3-4 times when I was drunk and he probably thinks I didn’t remember it. I didn’t say it back then. But I did the other night tell him I did, and he said “same. You know I do”.
He’s good to me every other way. Just feel like he has a problem opening up or planning a future, but I’m afraid I set the tone to that by taking things slow and being avoidant in the beginning.

TLDR: my boyfriend (28M) and i(25F) have been dating for one year but he hardly talks about our future and doesn’t tell me he loves me.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (25F) have been dating for about a a yr. He’s very good to me. Provides for me, I basically live with him. He’s made space for me in his life. There’s just a few problems.

I will admit in the beginning i was avoidant. I was single for over a yr because I got out of a physically abusive relationship. And in the beginning I wasn’t looking for anything serious. He took initiative in becoming exclusive. Not me. also in the beginning I wanted to talk things slow. Only hung out once or twice a week, I didn’t really want to meet his family too soon. I have met his dad and mom once. Because they popped up at his house. He doesn’t see his mom often but sees his dad once a week. I’ve met all his friends and he has posted me on social media. We now hangout basically all week maybe once or twice I will go home.

So the problem is he’s on probation (and he’s getting off in August potentially. They take time off if he works a full work week. A judge just has to approve it. He’s said at least 5 times he wants to take a trip because he hasn’t been able to go anywhere the last 2 years. I saw a video about a round trip flight to Florida, for super cheap. A week after he gets off probation. I showed it to him. I wasn’t being super serious about; it literally just popped up. It was just an idea. he immediately dismisses it. And said “what about my dogs?” (His dogs are reactive to other dogs, and he hasn’t ever left them.) thing is he’s talked about going on a trip for end of his probation multiple times in the past. And he’s brought up potentially his mom could do it but he doesn’t know if she could handle them. Or sending them to a boarding place. So weird how that’s his excuse now. So I respond to it and say “it’s. A few months away I think you’d find someone to watch them by then.” And he goes “true but it’s not for sure I’d get off by August. A judge has to approve, I won’t know until then”. So I dropped it.

I’m upset because i wasn’t being serious it was an idea and he couldn’t even entertain it a little bit?
And when he’s talked about going somewhere prior to this it never really included me, (never un-included me either. He would just say things like “would be cool to go here when I get off probation “ or “when I get off probation I want to take a two week long vacation” and I’d ask like “where would you wanna go” and he would be like “anywhere”. and that’s been the jist of it every time. The convos have never been too serious.

But he also doesn’t talk about a future at all w me. Not like when we get married or next year we should do this. I do occasionally. Like “next year we could be this for halloween” small things like that etc. he doesn’t do that.
Does this mean he doesn’t see a future with me? How do I even discuss this with him? Am I reaching? Or does it just mean he wants to wait to get this probation thing behind him and then plan. (Because he’s said things like he feels like he can’t plan or like his life is on pause until he gets off probation.)

TLDR:// boyfriend (28M) hardly discusses a future with me (25F, been together for around a yr. In passing brought up taking a trip to celebrate him getting off probation and he dismissed it.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (25F) have been dating for about a a year. He’s very good to me. Provides for me, I basically live with him. He’s made space for me in his life. There’s just a few problems.

I will admit in the beginning i was avoidant. I was single for over a yr because I got out of a physically abusive relationship. And in the beginning I wasn’t looking for anything serious. He took initiative in becoming exclusive. Not me. also in the beginning I wanted to talk things slow. Only hung out once or twice a week, I didn’t really want to meet his family too soon. I have met his dad and mom once. Because they popped up at his house. He doesn’t see his mom often but sees his dad once a week. I’ve met all his friends and he has posted me on social media. We now hangout basically all week maybe once or twice I will go home.

So the problem is he’s on probation (and he’s getting off in August potentially. They take time off if he works a full work week. A judge just has to approve it. He’s said at least 5 times he wants to take a trip because he hasn’t been able to go anywhere the last 2 years. I saw a video about a round trip flight to Florida, for super cheap. A week after he gets off probation. I showed it to him. I wasn’t being super serious about; it literally just popped up. It was just an idea. he immediately dismisses it. And said “what about my dogs?” (His dogs are reactive to other dogs, and he hasn’t ever left them.) thing is he’s talked about going on a trip for end of his probation multiple times in the past. And he’s brought up potentially his mom could do it but he doesn’t know if she could handle them. Or sending them to a boarding place. So weird how that’s his excuse now. So I respond to it and say “it’s. A few months away I think you’d find someone to watch them by then.” And he goes “true but it’s not for sure I’d get off by August. A judge has to approve, I won’t know until then”. So I dropped it.

I’m upset because i wasn’t being serious it was an idea and he couldn’t even entertain it a little bit?
And when he’s talked about going somewhere prior to this it never really included me, (never un-included me either. He would just say things like “would be cool to go here when I get off probation “ or “when I get off probation I want to take a two week long vacation” and I’d ask like “where would you wanna go” and he would be like “anywhere”. and that’s been the jist of it every time. The convos have never been too serious.

But he also doesn’t talk about a future at all w me. Not like when we get married or next year we should do this. I do occasionally. Like “next year we could be this for halloween” small things like that etc. he doesn’t do that.
Does this mean he doesn’t see a future with me? How do I even discuss this with him? Am I reaching? Or does it just mean he wants to wait to get this probation thing behind him and then plan. (Because he’s said things like he feels like he can’t plan or like his life is on pause until he gets off probation.)

TLDR:// boyfriend (28M) hardly discusses a future with me (25F). We’ve bee dating for one year. In passing brought up taking a trip to celebrate him getting off probation and he dismissed it.