u/AdValuable1319

So quick backstory, My wife(45) and I (49)have been together 26 years. The first 18 or so I thought were great. Im not perfect, I have a tendency to manipulate people to get my way but I admitted this to her and actively tried to keep it in check.

In 2016 we had a horrible house fire which put us and our 5yr old daughter and 7 month old son in an apartment for almost a year while it was rebuilt. I thought we got closer being in that tiny apartment.

I was in a bad accident before the fire and was on pain meds for a long time before trying to get off. I decided when we got home it was time; Well, it was incredibly difficult and I got really depressed and literally went to work and then came home and went to my room and laid there. Mostly because I thought i would be able to get through it with some grit and be good but I kept relapsing. So it was a really rough two years but i thought we would get through it. We didnt.

She had an affair in 2021. I found the texts that pretty much said it while she was texting another coworker that was part of "the group" Now here comes alot of stuff and its what I need advice on.

She vehimately denied a physical affair and said it was flirting too much and apologized but something wasnt right and as the next few years went by we kept drifting but if I asked she would very convincingly tell me I didnt trust her and i would end up feeling like a dick.

One day last October I caught her going through my phone, there was nothng there but I decided to do the same. Well, not only did i get confirmation that it was physical but it went on for a year and a half after i read the texts. She had told me a different guy who I had chased out of Walmart one day and it looked like he had chosen to marry someone and dumped my wife who then decided to start blocking me on facebook (I rarely ever go on) and she was really enjoying the male attention. I went full on investigator and got a ton of proof. She would not at all admit to any of it! Just wouldnt say anything. No info.

Then I saw she had searched the ap on those people search sites ALOT. And proceeded to lie to me many times about cutting contact with him. And the last time I found another one of his numbers instead of doing anything to ease my mind she got a better vpn and spent money to enhance her security. And there is more stuff. Alot actually, but you dont need more examples.

So, obviously its over. I thougt at first maybe because we have a 13yr old daughter and a 10yr old son and we very close, but I cant live with that level of disrespect and she obviously doesnt love me, but heres the problem.

Since returning home from the fire our lives have had one bad thing after another happen/ Some our fault and some just life, including losing the very best friend ive ever had to a sudden heart attack at 52 last October and I lost/left a job in 2022 that I had been at for 25 years to take a shot at going to work for myself. It didnt pan out and I will take half the blame for this but she did some shady shit and spent alot of money we didnt have on her fun.

So next Friday is the day we have to be out of the house I grew up in and took over when my parents died. I lost it to a effing home equity loan. So we pretty much are stuck together until we at least get our kids someplace stable. The problem is we cant be in the same room without fighting. I had agreed awhile back to not mention the past and she wouldnt have to tell me any details as long as she could be honest and not do anything while we were still married and living together. She agreed but now shes using a hotspot to hide her activity from our network, I found she had a second number which she denies and shes just so cold and used to worship me.

The thing is I dont like to yell so she gets yelling to stop me when She has no other was than to admit shes wrong, but I am at the breaking point. I mean I am ready to snap and I feel it coming. She said she cant live like this and is also at her point, but every day I remind her she could stop it all by letting me see her phone, but she wont and says its because its her last shred of freedom. BUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIT! She was pretty fucking free before apparently, But how can I make her see that? I dont even care at this point except I absolutely refuse anymore disresect. The kids dont need to see it and now after work shes been going to a neighbors (f) but we have a ton of stuff to pack and we still dont know where were going!

I cannot believe my life is where it is. 20 years ago I had this house paid off and i ran a small gym out of my basement and had life by the balls. Ive been humbled but damn. I am literally shaking daiily, like tremors.

So quick backstory, My wife(45) and I (49)have been together 26 years. The first 18 or so I thought were great. Im not perfect, I have a tendency to manipulate people to get my way but I admitted this to her and actively tried to keep it in check.

In 2016 we had a horrible house fire which put us and our 5yr old daughter and 7 month old son in an apartment for almost a year while it was rebuilt. I thought we got closer being in that tiny apartment.

I was in a bad accident before the fire and was on pain meds for a long time before trying to get off. I decided when we got home it was time; Well, it was incredibly difficult and I got really depressed and literally went to work and then came home and went to my room and laid there. Mostly because I thought i would be able to get through it with some grit and be good but I kept relapsing. So it was a really rough two years but i thought we would get through it. We didnt.

She had an affair in 2021. I found the texts that pretty much said it while she was texting another coworker that was part of "the group" Now here comes alot of stuff and its what I need advice on.

She vehimately denied a physical affair and said it was flirting too much and apologized but something wasnt right and as the next few years went by we kept drifting but if I asked she would very convincingly tell me I didnt trust her and i would end up feeling like a dick.

One day last October I caught her going through my phone, there was nothng there but I decided to do the same. Well, not only did i get confirmation that it was physical but it went on for a year and a half after i read the texts. She had told me a different guy who I had chased out of Walmart one day and it looked like he had chosen to marry someone and dumped my wife who then decided to start blocking me on facebook (I rarely ever go on) and she was really enjoying the male attention. I went full on investigator and got a ton of proof. She would not at all admit to any of it! Just wouldnt say anything. No info.

Then I saw she had searched the ap on those people search sites ALOT. And proceeded to lie to me many times about cutting contact with him. And the last time I found another one of his numbers instead of doing anything to ease my mind she got a better vpn and spent money to enhance her security. And there is more stuff. Alot actually, but you dont need more examples.

So, obviously its over. I thougt at first maybe because we have a 13yr old daughter and a 10yr old son and we very close, but I cant live with that level of disrespect and she obviously doesnt love me, but heres the problem.

Since returning home from the fire our lives have had one bad thing after another happen/ Some our fault and some just life, including losing the very best friend ive ever had to a sudden heart attack at 52 last October and I lost/left a job in 2022 that I had been at for 25 years to take a shot at going to work for myself. It didnt pan out and I will take half the blame for this but she did some shady shit and spent alot of money we didnt have on her fun.

So next Friday is the day we have to be out of the house I grew up in and took over when my parents died. I lost it to a effing home equity loan. So we pretty much are stuck together until we at least get our kids someplace stable. The problem is we cant be in the same room without fighting. I had agreed awhile back to not mention the past and she wouldnt have to tell me any details as long as she could be honest and not do anything while we were still married and living together. She agreed but now shes using a hotspot to hide her activity from our network, I found she had a second number which she denies and shes just so cold and used to worship me.

The thing is I dont like to yell so she gets yelling to stop me when She has no other was than to admit shes wrong, but I am at the breaking point. I mean I am ready to snap and I feel it coming. She said she cant live like this and is also at her point, but every day I remind her she could stop it all by letting me see her phone, but she wont and says its because its her last shred of freedom. BUUUUUUUUULLSHIIIT! She was pretty fucking free before apparently, But how can I make her see that? I dont even care at this point except I absolutely refuse anymore disresect. The kids dont need to see it and now after work shes been going to a neighbors (f) but we have a ton of stuff to pack and we still dont know where were going!

I cannot believe my life is where it is. 20 years ago I had this house paid off and i ran a small gym out of my basement and had life by the balls. Ive been humbled but damn. I am literally shaking daiily, like tremors.