My boyfriend and I have been together since we were about 18(2022.). Back then, he would run into Andrew Tate content on social media. It wasn’t something he seriously followed or built his beliefs around. He did agree with certain parts like discipline, making money, business mindset, going to the gym, etc., but not the extreme “alpha male” ideas. Still, at the time he followed him and had a somewhat positive impression based on that type of content. He also liked the parts about cars because he’s really into that.
When the whole situation about Tate being arrested came out, there was a lot of mixed information, and the fact that he was released quickly made it even more confusing. His way of thinking was basically that since he is such a controversial public figure with a lot of hate towards him, something that serious would have been clearly proven. He never defended him and even now says he doesn’t think he is as innocent as he presents himself. At the time, though, we mostly just didn’t look into it too deeply, more like if he did something, he deserves to be in jail.
Also, the content that actually reached him wasn’t about women or relationships. He stopped watching him in 2023., then I explained more clearly what Tate actually says about women, he was very straightforward that he doesn’t agree with any of that and that his values are completely different.
In our friend group, we’ve always had a very sarcastic kind of humor, including joking about stereotypes like “women belong in the kitchen,” even though all of us, both girls and guys, genuinely believe in equality and support women’s rights. Ironically, in our actual relationships, the guys are usually the ones who cook and clean more because they enjoy it.
I think this context matters because it influenced how he initially saw Tate. Since we were used to that kind of sarcastic humor in our group, he assumed that Tate’s sarcastic statements were also meant in a similar joking or exaggerated way, not something he genuinely believed. That’s also why, at the time, it didn’t really come across as something serious or concerning.
At the same time, in real-life situations, my boyfriend always made a clear distinction, he was fine with jokes, but the moment someone said something genuinely sexist and meant it seriously, he would be the first to call it out, since he thinks that women are best even in jobs that other people think are only for men.
Throughout our entire relationship, he has never shown misogynistic behavior in practice. He consistently supports and stands up for women, including me and his friends. We’ve had no real issues except one disagreement about clothing. He has never had a problem with how I dress, but he does think some types of clothing can attract more "bad" attention. Coming from a small town, he’s aware of the stereotype that women who dress more revealingly are often judged unfairly, but he doesn’t agree with labeling anyone because of it. He has never said anything negative about me personally or about women in general, but he believes people should be aware that certain outfits can attract attention, especially in our environment where that tends to happen more often.
We discussed it, and he admitted that this view partly comes from his own insecurity. He said he understands my perspective and has shifted his thinking after our conversation.
Am I overanalyzing this just because he was briefly exposed to certain online content when we were teenagers, even though nothing in his actual behavior or beliefs reflects that now?
Is this something I should still see as a red flag? AITH for even worrying about this at this point, he said I'm not since he thinks talking about values like this is a big deal?