u/Active_Swimming_1983

So, months ago I pushed away a guy that genuinely liked me because I got overwhelmed and panicked. We used to talk constantly for hours every single day, stay on calls until like 3am, talk online every day and a little in person, got weirdly close, etc.

Now we basically ignore each other even though we see each other every single day, and the problem is: I literally cannot text him first.

Not because I don’t want to. I WANT to. A lot. But every time I try, I overthink it, delete everything, panic, and end up doing absolutely nothing. I just can’t. Even in person I get insanely anxious around him and end up pretending I didn’t see him.

The worst part is that I’m pretty sure I actually like him now and realized it way too late.

So at this point I’m asking:
Does anyone know any manifestation method, spell, subliminal, law of attraction thing, literally ANYTHING that worked to make someone suddenly text you, start talking to you again, or just take the first step maybe?

I’m not trying to do anything creepy or force him into loving me or anything like that. I just want him to break the silence first because I genuinely think if he texted me, I’d finally be able to talk normally again and actually be sincere about my feelings for him.

I just need this man to message me at least once before school is over…

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore and I need opinions because my brain has been looping this situation for months.
So basically, I got out of a really long relationship when I was really young a while ago and it probably completely messed up the way I handled people liking me. After that relationship ended, I suddenly started getting attention from a lot of guys and instead of enjoying it, it honestly scared me. I would literally block people for no reason, ignore messages, lose interest immediately, whatever. I think I got too used to pushing people away before they could get close to me but i usually don’t care about it, actually never did.
Then there’s THIS guy.
Technically we met once before during a school trip, but I barely remember it because I was in a terrible mental state at the time. He told me he remembered it though, which is honestly kind of funny because I barely even remember the conversation.
Then a year later there was another school trip, this time to another city, and that’s when I actually got to know him. One of the first nights was chaos because people were sneaking around my room and everyone was laughing and running around like idiots cause my roommate was upstairs with a boy, somehow after the boys sneaked inside out of my room to see what was happening, I ended up talking to him, two friends of mine and his friend for hours and we even went for “adventures”.
At some point my friends started telling me he liked me and I was genuinely confused because ??? why me?? But I kept talking to him anyway because he was really sweet and easy to talk to.
Over those 5 days we got weirdly close. My friends would literally disappear on purpose to leave us alone together which should’ve been awkward but somehow wasn’t. One night we ended up walking alone for almost 2 hours during a trail thing in the dark since our friends just ran away the moment we stepped inside of the trail, while everyone else thought we got lost or died or something and kept calling our phones but since there was no internet we just kept walking. Honestly that’s one of my favorite memories now because it felt so calm and natural.
In the same night we were both inside his room in the hotel, only the both of us, I started feeling really sick probably cause I was nervous, but instead of making it weird he immediately helped me, got me water, turned the air on, gave me his jacket and when i told him i wanted to go back he walked me back, etc. That was probably the moment I started seeing him differently.
When we came back from the trip we talked CONSTANTLY online. Like genuinely constantly. Hours every day. One time we were supposed to study for an important test together, got on call, and somehow stayed talking for SIX HOURS instead of studying anything. My mom literally yelled at me to go to sleep because it was around 3am and we were still talking. We both ended up doing badly on the test which is honestly embarrassing because if you spend 6 hours “studying” you should probably learn SOMETHING.
The thing is, online everything felt easy. In person? I completely shut down.
I get insanely anxious around him. Not normal shy nervousness either, like actual physical anxiety. Shaking, overthinking every movement, feeling like I suddenly forget how to act like a human being. Sometimes I’d see him in school and want to talk to him so badly but I’d just walk past because I physically couldn’t make myself do it.
Eventually he admitted he liked me and asked me out. He even tried to make it easier for me by being really patient and understanding. Around that same time though, my life got horrible. Family problems, friendship drama, stress, health stuff, everything at once.
Instead of explaining any of that properly, I basically panicked.
I started telling him he deserved someone better, that I wasn’t good for him, that I’d hurt him, etc. Everything in one night by messages. Looking back now I can see I was just scared and overwhelmed, but at the time it felt easier to ruin everything before it became real.
So we stopped talking.
And here’s the worst part: after months passed and my brain finally calmed down, I realized I actually do like him. Like REALLY like him.
And now I feel sick because it’s been months and we’re still around each other sometimes but barely interact. He’s in my class now too which somehow makes it worse because I notice him constantly but can’t bring myself to say anything. Sometimes I catch him looking at me and then I overthink that for like 3 business days.
I keep wishing he would just talk to me first because then maybe I’d have the courage to continue the conversation, but I also know that’s unfair because I’m the one who pushed him away.
Now there’s only about a year left before school ends and we probably never see each other again, and I’m terrified I ruined something that could’ve actually mattered to me.
So I guess my questions are:
Do you think it’s too late to talk to him again?
If you were him, would you still want the other person to reach out after months?
And HOW do people talk to someone they like when anxiety makes them feel insane???
I hate that I only understood my feelings after ruining everything.
Thanks for reading if you actually got through all this

I don’t really know how to explain this properly, but I’ve been overthinking this for months and I feel stuck, so I really need some outside opinions.

A while ago, I got out of a long-term relationship that lasted a few years and had a lot of ups and downs. By the end of it, I felt emotionally drained and honestly kind of lost when it came to relationships. After that, something unexpected happened: I started getting a lot of attention from different guys, which I didn’t really know how to handle. I’ve never seen myself as someone who stands out in that way, so instead of enjoying it, it made me uncomfortable and overwhelmed.

Because of that, my default reaction became pushing people away. I would ignore messages, lose interest quickly, or just block people without even giving them a real chance. I didn’t feel connected to anyone and I think I was still dealing with my past without realizing it.

Then there’s this one guy.

The first time we interacted was very brief, and I barely even remember it because I wasn’t in a good place mentally at the time. Later on, we ended up in the same group environment again, and that’s when I actually got to know him. People around us started saying he liked me, which caught me off guard because it felt sudden, but I kept talking to him anyway.

We ended up spending a lot of time together in those few days. We had long conversations, and at one point we even walked and talked for a really long time in a situation where most people probably wouldn’t. It sounds small, but it felt different. He was calm, patient, and easy to talk to.

There was also a moment where I felt physically unwell, and instead of making it awkward, he took care of me in a really gentle way. That stayed in my mind more than I expected.

After that, we kept talking a lot, mostly through messages. Sometimes for hours, even late at night. The conversations flowed easily there. But in person, I’m completely different. I get extremely anxious. Like, to the point where I feel my body reacting, shaking, overthinking every movement, not knowing where to look, what to say, or how to act. Even just walking past him makes me nervous. So even though we had a connection, I never really knew how to act face-to-face.

At some point, he made it clear that he liked me and wanted to go out with me. Around that same time, I was dealing with a lot in my personal life, family problems, losing friendships, stress, and I felt completely overwhelmed.

Instead of being honest about how confused and anxious I was, I kind of shut down. I told him things like I wasn’t good for him, that I wasn’t in the right place, and I pushed him away. Looking back, I realize I handled it badly and probably hurt him.

We stopped talking after that.

The problem is… after everything calmed down, I started seeing things differently. And now, months later, I can’t stop thinking about him. I think I actually like him, but I only realized it after I lost the chance.

Now we’re sometimes in the same environment again, but we barely interact. He doesn’t really talk to me anymore, and I honestly don’t blame him. But I feel stuck. I don’t know if he moved on, if he resents me, or if he just decided to protect himself.

At the same time, I feel like I physically can’t bring myself to talk to him. It’s not just “shyness,” it’s actual anxiety. Even the idea of starting a conversation makes my heart race. I keep thinking about what to say, how he might react, whether I’ll make things worse… and then I end up doing nothing.

Part of me keeps hoping he’ll talk to me first so I don’t have to deal with that fear, but I know that’s probably unrealistic since I was the one who ended things.

So now I’m stuck between regret and fear.

Do you think it’s worth trying to talk to him again after months of no contact?
If you were in his position, how would you feel?
And how do I even start a conversation when I feel this anxious just being near him?

I don’t even know what outcome I expect. I just don’t want to keep thinking about “what if” forever.

Thanks for reading.