For context, some people might say I’m lucky to have a good life and some might say I had a tumultuous life I guess it depends on how you look at it. My mother abandoned me after giving birth. She tried to abort me and give me away unsuccessfully. My grandparents took me in and my mums youngest sister (let’s call her June) stopped going to university because she looked after me. She became my mother/sister and my best friend. Growing up we didn’t have a lot but I had all the necessities to survive. I never met my father and the first time I saw my mother I was already 4-5yrs old. I knew who she was but to me she was a stranger. She was abusive towards me, emotionally and physically. My grandparents and my aunt June did everything to protect and shield me from her. Fast forward I was fortunate enough to move to a new country. More opportunity and better life. I struggled in my teens and had suicidal ideation for a number of years. Lots of emotional pain, rejection, societal pressure, I lied to a lot of people about my biological family because I don’t want to be treated differently or people to pity me. I never let anyone in. Though in my 20s I learnt to accept that these are the cards I have been dealt with and nothing I can do can change that. So I made peace with it. I will never ever have the relationship I longed for with my biological mum.
I studied hard moved to another country and found the man of my dreams we recently got married. I slowly told him about my biological family and he gifted me a dna test to find more about me. Expectedly I had some matches. I recently made contact and found out who my biological father is. Long story short we reached out with the aim to mend all the missing pieces and in the hopes of having some relationship. We also found out that I have two half siblings. The issue is that he definitely cheated because I am 6 months older than her and at the time my father got married was the time of my conception.
He replied and said he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. He is now in his 70s and his kids are in early 30s late 20s. It broke me and all of the pain I had in my teens came back. The rejection, hurt and despair. All I wanted was to form a relationship.
I don’t know what to do, part of me want him to be accountable and tell everyone close to him that I exist but at the same time will I feel better about ruining his life? I want to form a relationship with my half siblings. I feel alone and hurt. My husband has been so supportive but I feel alone. So WIBATH if I contact my half siblings to try form some relationship? Part of me says they should know about me but part of me wants to forget everything it ever happened??