u/Acrobatic-Composer27

I (35F) am adopted and have always had two moms (75F and 62F). The 75F is the one listed on my birth certificate. They were together for a long time, and I considered both of them my parents.

Last year, my 75-year-old mom passed away. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I didn’t really get the chance to grieve because I had to handle everything — working, arranging the funeral, paperwork — all while taking care of my 1-year-old son. Thankfully, my husband and his family were very supportive during all of this.

During that time, my other mom (62F) and her sister kept constantly asking me about the ashes — where they were, why it was taking so long, and telling me how things “should be done” based on where they’re from. But we’re in a different state with different rules. The funeral home had already told me they would call when everything was ready along with the paperwork.

I tried to be patient, but I was overwhelmed and hadn’t even had time to properly mourn. One day I reached my breaking point. I told my other mom that if she and her sister felt so strongly about it, they could take over arrangements. I offered to give them the funeral home’s contact info and cover the cost so they could handle it themselves.

That’s when things escalated. We both raised our voices, but she ended up saying something that really hurt me. She told me that I was acting this way because I’m not really my mom’s daughter — basically implying I’m nobody.

That completely broke me.

Since then, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression and have been seeing a therapist to cope with everything. I also stopped sending her money (I used to help her financially), because I just don’t feel the same after what she said, especially during such a vulnerable time.

The problem is, she still keeps messaging me asking for money and won’t stop. It’s been really stressful and triggering given everything I’m dealing with.

Now I’m conflicted. Part of me feels justified because what she said crossed a line. But another part of me feels guilty for cutting off financial support.

Was I wrong for stopping the financial help after what she said? How do I even move forward from something like this?

I (35F) am adopted and have always had two moms (75F and 62F). The 75F is the one listed on my birth certificate. They were together for a long time, and I considered both of them my parents.

Last year, my 75-year-old mom passed away. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I didn’t really get the chance to grieve because I had to handle everything — working, arranging the funeral, paperwork — all while taking care of my 1-year-old son. Thankfully, my husband and his family were very supportive during all of this.

During that time, my other mom (62F) and her sister kept constantly asking me about the ashes — where they were, why it was taking so long, and telling me how things “should be done” based on where they’re from. But we’re in a different state with different rules. The funeral home had already told me they would call when everything was ready along with the paperwork.

I tried to be patient, but I was overwhelmed and hadn’t even had time to properly mourn. One day I reached my breaking point. I told my other mom that if she and her sister felt so strongly about it, they could take over arrangements. I offered to give them the funeral home’s contact info and cover the cost so they could handle it themselves.

That’s when things escalated. We both raised our voices, but she ended up saying something that really hurt me. She told me that I was acting this way because I’m not really my mom’s daughter — basically implying I’m nobody.

That completely broke me.

Since then, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression and have been seeing a therapist to cope with everything. I also stopped sending her money (I used to help her financially), because I just don’t feel the same after what she said, especially during such a vulnerable time.

The problem is, she still keeps messaging me asking for money and won’t stop. It’s been really stressful and triggering given everything I’m dealing with.

Now I’m conflicted. Part of me feels justified because what she said crossed a line. But another part of me feels guilty for cutting off financial support.

Was I wrong for stopping the financial help after what she said? How do I even move forward from something like this?