u/Accurate-Royal-2124

i go to this place (i cannot not go to this place, its like anecessity that i go there) but 99% of the people there are men, there are only a couple of girls. and we have groups. the group I am in has only boys in it. I dont talk to them. they talk to me they act dismissive when i say i dont want to talk to them. they peer pressure me into talking to them. all of them are autistic wallahi. I cant even. but talking to men is haram how do i not talk to them. Lmao and my parents they dont even take stuff seriously (i am a revert theyre not) anyways and just dont take situations like this seriously. theyre the reason i even go to this place.

i am a 18 year old female. and ive talked to over 100 guys in the past year. okay so initially i started to neglect my life and its duties, cuz i convinced myseld my life wasnt worth living cuz nobody cared about it. my father refers to me using this one Tamil word, "thevdiya kuthi". I heard its means "slut". so after I eventually started neglecting my duties. yeah so. uhm the past year i went on this chatroom German chatroom and started mindlessly chatting with different dudes. ehm but not sexting. it was along the lines of personal life and stuff. like ehm yeah but i did talk about having sex in general to a couple not with them but with girls, cuz uhm I said I was lesbian too. so that I used as a tool to filter out men thatd just talk and not yk have bad intentions. so then later that year i installed, and as every girl gets got tons of matches, and i had these guys wanting my ig, wanting to fck me idek. so i talked to a couple of them, at least those that had normal intentions. i eventually deleted tinder cuz i i was afraid my momd find out. i literally paid for unlimited likes i was so unemployed. so i installed snapchat cuz this guy said it would be fun. and theni just added a lot of people there and my friends too. And then the guy that told me to install snapchat blocked me on there cuz i didnt send him nudes, idek. and then random guys started adding me from nowhere cuz apparently some dude said I leak nudes i dont. bruh. some talked with me, sent me snaps. some asked me for nds, didnt respond to them. there was this guy from tinder who kept talking to me thru snapchat ig and wA. i deleted ig at this point (where i also had convos with different sort of men). so the dude wanted to call whatever, i used to send him snaps (normal) and he would too. he asked me on a date twice, i just neglected him gave him lame excuses. so on snap i kept talking to different people, there was this guy who apparently idek slept with different women particularly Indians, and he commented on my looks mocked me i talked to swedish people actually a lot, made a long term friend. deleted snapchat cuz i was addicted to upping my snapscore. i shouldnt be doing what i was at 18. i was flunking school (I graduate a year late cuz i had to repeat 9th grade). i went on find friends subreddit, cuz i have no indian friends n i wanted some, and ppl dmed me. mostly men i talked with them not sexting tho. ive talked to so much men. atp i still went to chatroom and talked to rdm men but not about sex. not even about dating just joking and goofing around. and ive stumbled upon discord servers talked and dudes kept sending me frn reqs talked with them too. got in voice chats. there was this dude who was like he wants me to be his wife. got annoyed after 2 days I blocked him. n now there are still men in my discord, but Ion talk about dating i mostly deflect when the convo drives to that direction. n there was this one guy i met him in a chatroom n he apparently graped 20 girls. i was still talking to him after i found out i feel so guilty omg. and a victim even talked to me. he said he loved me eventually bcs i js talked to him for hours, he listened to my problems, i listened to his. he needed closure, he blocked me eventually cuz he thought whatever that was wasnt beneficial for me. he asked for nds i didnt send him one i found on the internet , he was just so coercive about me sending nds and during a fallout he was on about how hed grape me.