u/According_Engine1649

I genuinely need honest outside perspective because I feel horrible and my family is making me feel like I destroyed everything.

Basically, my brother and his girlfriend had a really unstable relationship already. She would vent to me a lot about him and over time I started venting too. I admitted things my brother had said privately, including negative things about her family and relationship. I also said a lot of harsh things about my brother out of resentment (out of anger I even cussed by brother) and hurt that I now deeply regret.

Things escalated badly because screenshots got shared back and forth. Eventually she sent my messages to him (despite her promising my conversation is safe with her) and now their relationship has ended. My family fully blames me and says I ruined their relationship/home.

For context, my brother has also spoken badly about me to her throughout their relationship and called me things like crazy, immature, desperate, etc., so I think there was already resentment and unhealthy communication everywhere. But I still know I crossed major boundaries and became way too emotionally involved in their relationship.

I think part of the reason this happened is because I’ve felt emotionally distant and resentful toward my brother for years, and when his girlfriend gave me emotional space and validation, I opened up way too much to the wrong person.

Now my family is calling me disgusting, shameless, a disappointment, etc. My brother says he can’t trust me anymore and most of my family is giving me the silent treatment. I genuinely feel like I destroyed everyone’s perception of me. Even worse, his girlfriend has shared all of this with her family.

I know I messed up badly. My brother literally cried and said I ruined everything. I feel so bad I’m not eating or interacting with my family. I cannot even look at them in the eye. I’m not trying to escape accountability. I’m freaking out because I am to blame for their breakup and knowing my brother he tends to hold grudges. He also has a tendency to bring up stuff again and again. He also does not let go of things. I just honestly want perspective:

- Am I actually as horrible as my family is making me out to be?
- Is this something relationships/families realistically recover from?
- And how do I stop this pattern of oversharing with the wrong people when I feel emotionally understood?

I genuinely need honest outside perspective because I feel horrible and my family is making me feel like I destroyed everything.

Basically, my brother and his girlfriend had a really unstable relationship already. She would vent to me a lot about him and over time I started venting too. I admitted things my brother had said privately, including negative things about her family and relationship. I also said a lot of harsh things about my brother out of resentment (out of anger I even cussed by brother) and hurt that I now deeply regret.

Things escalated badly because screenshots got shared back and forth. Eventually she sent my messages to him (despite her promising my conversation is safe with her) and now their relationship has ended. My family fully blames me and says I ruined their relationship/home.

For context, my brother has also spoken badly about me to her throughout their relationship and called me things like crazy, immature, desperate, etc., so I think there was already resentment and unhealthy communication everywhere. But I still know I crossed major boundaries and became way too emotionally involved in their relationship.

I think part of the reason this happened is because I’ve felt emotionally distant and resentful toward my brother for years, and when his girlfriend gave me emotional space and validation, I opened up way too much to the wrong person.

Now my family is calling me disgusting, shameless, a disappointment, etc. My brother says he can’t trust me anymore and most of my family is giving me the silent treatment. I genuinely feel like I destroyed everyone’s perception of me. Even worse, his girlfriend has shared all of this with her family.

I know I messed up badly. My brother literally cried and said I ruined everything. I feel so bad I’m not eating or interacting with my family. I cannot even look at them in the eye. I’m not trying to escape accountability. I’m freaking out because I am to blame for their breakup and knowing my brother he tends to hold grudges. He also has a tendency to bring up stuff again and again. He also does not let go of things. I just honestly want perspective:
- Am I actually as horrible as my family is making me out to be?
- Is this something relationships/families realistically recover from?
- And how do I stop this pattern of oversharing with the wrong people when I feel emotionally understood?