AITAH for not contacting my old landlord for my friend?
I moved to Jersey from Minneapolis a couple of years ago, and last summer my horse ended up needing to be put down, and so I was back in town trying to figure out what I was going to do. It was really stressful, and there were a lot of different emotions I was feeling. During this trip, my friend was there to support me through some of it and even drove me an hour away to see my horse. She’s honestly one of my best and longest friendships. I really struggle to maintain my relationships, so I’m grateful for the friendship we shared. At one point during the trip, I texted my old landlord reminiscing about my old studio apartment and the life I used to have before I moved (it was a traumatic and unplanned move, I was in a crisis, and I still hurt over the situation). He replied with a really sweet, heartfelt long message and told me that my studio is actually open next month if I’d like to move back. With deep regret and sadness, I never ended up responding to his message, although I wanted to and thought of how to respond. I was so overwhelmed by everything, I just didn’t do it. I told my friend about what my landlord said and how I loved him so much, etc. etc. Turned out my friend was actually thinking about moving out of her parents and expressed to me some concerning things about living at home. I told her she definitely needs to move out and validated her experience. She asked if I could put in a word with my landlord and connect them. I dropped the ball and never got around to it. Even though my friend didn’t immediately cut me off or confront me about it, I know that she sort of judges me for not doing that for her. Shortly after this, we’ve basically both completely stopped reaching out. I don’t even have the energy to even have a phone call. I’ve pretty much completely isolated myself, and it seems like we’ve finally started to drift apart. I know both of us don’t have any hard feelings, but sometimes I wonder how much of it had to do with me not doing that for her. I feel really bad about it but at the same time it wasn’t personal, I wasn’t trying to hurt her, I just was completely shut down from losing my horse I’ve had since I was 8 and being back in the place where everything fell apart. Sometimes I feel like it’s moreso that we never were really that close but she was by my side at some of my worst moments. Sometimes I really think there’s something wrong with me that I don’t pour into my relationships at all and why I choose self isolation. I wish I was one of those people that made friends easily and poured into people but I always stick to myself. It feels so uncomfortable thinking about even trying to make friends or keep them. I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in.