u/AcceptableFloor788

hi everyone.

im devastated because I was about 11 days with no purging. & i just had a relapse. im trying to recover so badly but its just been awful.

i’ve dealt with a restrictive eating disorder for 13 years but only developed bulimia the past few months. at times, I was considered underweight but im not anymore (especially after trying to recover for the past month).

i can’t tell if my current increase in weight is due to edema or genuine weight gain. it is TERRIFYING. my face is super puffy. my body genuinely hurts and is sore. i feel like I just look like a marshmallow lol.

i don’t know what to do. i want to recover. i want to get better. but this illness makes me hate myself so much & hate my body.

please tell me your tips or any thoughts you have. is there anything you wish you knew going into recovery? i can’t live like this. i have my first appt with a dietician on tuesday & im terrified.

thank you, with love.💕

hi everyone.

im devastated because I was about 11 days with no purging. & i just had a relapse. im trying to recover so badly but its just been awful.

i’ve dealt with a restrictive eating disorder for 13 years but only developed bulimia the past few months. at times, I was considered underweight but im not anymore (especially after trying to recover for the past month).

i can’t tell if my current increase in weight is due to edema or genuine weight gain. it is TERRIFYING. my face is super puffy. my body genuinely hurts and is sore. i feel like I just look like a marshmallow lol.

i don’t know what to do. i want to recover. i want to get better. but this illness makes me hate myself so much & hate my body.

please tell me your tips or any thoughts you have. is there anything you wish you knew going into recovery? i can’t live like this. i have my first appt with a dietician on tuesday & im terrified.

thank you, with love.

hi all. happy tuesday.

im just struggling & im hoping for some support/even just reminding me that im not alone in this. when i do give in to my extreme hunger, i struggle because the next day i often will attempt to revert back to unhealthy behaviors. i fear the changes in my body (mostly the weight changes that occur). looking in the mirror I don’t recognize myself and that is hard.

im struggling to know if im experiencing edema — I believe it is because everything looks so puffy. i was feeling really reallly really tender and sore but it has subsided a bit. i’ve only been a month “ish” in recovery (but truly I don’t know if I can count it or not because I tend to have good days but then fall back on unhealthy behaviors when im scared). some days I wake up in pain but as i’ve started eating more the pain is subsiding but I feel like I look still. very swollen. basically all clothes is uncomfortable and my skin feels so uncomfortable.

i’ve been having night sweats every night and it’s not fun. i also just feel like my body image is even worse truly.

i think my biggest struggle is just trying to realize i DO deserve to get better. i don’t need to look a certain way in order to recover. i don’t want to continue being unhappy, damaging my body & overall feeling so so so down about life.

eating disorders suck !!!!!

hi everyone! my therapist recommended me to begin working with a dietician (valid).

I have my first appointment scheduled in the next two weeks and I am TERRIFIED. i’ve never worked with a dietician before and my brain still wants to convince me that I am not sick enough to need a dietician. i often know what the correct and healthy thing is to do … but im simply not engaging in it.

i’m really hoping it will help to take the “mental gymnastics” out of planning what to eat. i really want to be “all in” with food/eating intuitively but my therapist is wondering if that’s not possible for me (at least at this time). mostly because when i do give into my extreme hunger, I typically tend to immediately purge afterwards.

is there any helpful advice or thoughts you have on working with a dietician? have you ever found it triggering? im slightly worried that having a meal plan could also backfire for me and make me super rigid to that meal plan rather than branching out.

im also just terrified of potentially gaining weight with a meal plan (likely because im not underweight so yeah … huge fear!)

hope this all makes sense. hope you’re all taking care of yourselves!!! :)