u/Acceptable-Pea9706

I talked my mom today on the phone, wished her a happy mother's day, everything was normal, no fuss. She made no mention of feeling sick or anything like that. Granted she's 81. Turns out she went to the ER because she felt like she was "collapsing" and felt weak. But I was taking care of her in my home for the past year (til I asked her to leave) and we only had one hospital visit. It's literally always something. She chose to go across the country though, so I'm too far away to do anything or be involved, which frankly is a relief. She called me I think expecting more pity but I grey rocked her and asked her to keep me updated.

I posted in this sub 7 months ago (please see my previous post if you want to go back). After a number of months of looking into AL here in Arizona, taking my mom to the facility for the tours, med evaluations, discussions, paperwork, etc., my mom ultimately decided the place she chose was a "ripoff" and refused to sign the lease at the very last minute. She lost a $2k+ deposit. She then guilted me and my husband to let her stay in my home until after the holidays (because this whole process started in October of last year). When January rolled around, she asked if she could stay til March due to the weather in New England, to which I agreed. Once March rolled around, she asked to stay for two more months, to which I agreed. My husband was not happy about that (understandably) and I finally forced her to hire in-home help once a week which we increased to two times shortly thereafter for the remainder of her stay. In April, she made a very non-committal statement about when exactly she would go home, to which I finally put my foot down and said no. I told her we were leaving town when my son was done with school for the summer and we wouldn't be home. She finally left three days ago, my cousin (POA) escorted her back home to New England. She called me today telling me that her in-home caregiver may not work out to which I advised her to start calling AL facilities to tour and be put on a wait-list if necessary. I feel I have done absolutely everything I can for her, but she refused to give up any control and is of sound enough mind to where she can't be forced to do anything. It's very frustrating how selfish the elderly can become as they get older. She has always been a difficult personality but her age has compounded the issues and made her even more of a burden to deal with. She didn't trust me enough to assign me her POA (which just shows you there are issues), but I was expected to neglect my husband and young kids to help her. I prepared over 1300 meals for her. Her hygiene was so poor my entire house smelled like human waste and UTI most of the time. I even had to go to couples therapy with my husband because he was getting so fed up.

I'm glad I got her out (as sad as that is to say). How she proceeds now will be on her, although I won't be surprised if I get blamed at some point. She will probably only go to an AL if she is hospitalized, at least that's the way I see it going.