u/Acceptable-Bee-3091

My husband has recently been diagnosed with POTS and PTSD. We have a 9 month old but now with these diagnoses it’s given my husband a reason to focus on himself constantly so he can ‘be there for us’. Which sounds great but somehow him just focusing on doing this like sleeping, meditating, having social time with his mates has put more pressure on me to do pretty much everything else.
We have been going to therapy and our therapist even hinted he’s developing an unhealthy mindset around his PTSD and focussing on his needs rather than the families.
I’ve tried explaining I need my needs to feel equally as important as I get overwhelmed and burnt out too. My alone time is little to non. Our therapist encouraged my husband to give me at least 1 bit of alone time this week and it’s been delayed 3 times now because he had a cold for 2 days then was up till 2am drinking the third time and became unwell. When I just asked if I could have 30mins to recharge it was ‘pressuring’ him and not giving him a break.

My family have even started expressing their dislike for him and their concerns. I don’t really know what to do as he’s never been this selfish until recently where he seems to have now found the excuses to. He also decided at the start of the year he doesn’t need antidepressants anymore and now seems to be more of an excuse to neglect the family to focus on his own needs ‘for us’.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with POTS and PTSD. We have a 9 month old but now with these diagnoses it’s given my husband a reason to focus on himself constantly so he can ‘be there for us’. Which sounds great but somehow him just focusing on doing this like sleeping, meditating, having social time with his mates has put more pressure on me to do pretty much everything else.
We have been going to therapy and our therapist even hinted he’s developing an unhealthy mindset around his PTSD and focussing on his needs rather than the families.
I’ve tried explaining I need my needs to feel equally as important as I get overwhelmed and burnt out too. My alone time is little to non. Our therapist encouraged my husband to give me at least 1 bit of alone time this week and it’s been delayed 3 times now because he had a cold for 2 days then was up till 2am drinking the third time and became unwell. When I just asked if I could have 30mins to recharge it was ‘pressuring’ him and not giving him a break.

My family have even started expressing their dislike for him and their concerns. I don’t really know what to do as he’s never been this selfish until recently where he seems to have now found the excuses to. He also decided at the start of the year he doesn’t need antidepressants anymore and now seems to be more of an excuse to neglect the family to focus on his own needs ‘for us’.

I just don’t really know what to do if therapy doesn’t end up working. It feels as though he just doesn’t really want to think of anyone else but himself at the moment which is so different to the man i thought I knew.

So my husband and I have a 9 month old baby and as a way for my husband to get time to himself he goes to the pub. At least once a week my husband gets guaranteed time to go there but it’s usually a few times a week. There’s been a few times now that my husband will tell me he will be back at a certain time and then there will be a reason he will then come home hours later than originally planned. It doesn’t matter if he’s out later but I’ve told my husband I want to rely on what he tells me and when our child gets older he should also know his dad will be home when he says he does.
I guess part of me also gets a little jealous because I feel as though time for me to get alone time is always put on the back burner. Even getting 30 minutes to myself isn’t an option most day.

I guess I just want to know if how I’m feeling is valid or whether I should relax a little and let my husband have a little longer if he wants it.