I know there’s this notion of you deactivating equating to you feeling overwhelmed, pressured or emotionally heavy, but do you really deactivate and withdraw yourself from someone you care about?
I’m aware of the underlying mechanisms that explain thar behaviour, but still, it’s hard to believe she did care, even with that knowledge.
1.5 years.
That’s how long I’ve tried fixing this relationship I’ve vad with her. 1.5 years. I let her walk all over me for so long. For so fucking long. I endured multiple trust breaches, I endured betrayals (not ”cheating” per se) and I endured months of avoidance, blame-shifting and every possible other thing you could think of.
I won’t deny my part in it. I’m a former anxious attacher, but lately my self-respect has been growing, a lot. I endured 2-3 discards, waited for her come back. She always did, within 1-3 weeks. She always tested the waters by using Spotify as a breadcrumbing channel, I always fell for it. Adding songs back to the playlists; communicating through song titles. I blocked her Spotify too.
I removed her friends as followers. I removed her friend on Snapchat so she can’t see my location and I can’t see her’s. I blocked my ex’s number, I blocked her on Spotify, I blocked her on Facebook. Everywhere. I’m done, I did it. I’m fucking done.
What an EXHAUSTING 1.5 fucking years! Wasted all my fucking time on someone who couldn’t do SHIT for me and kept showing it! Someone who neglected me for so long! Who hid things from me for so long! Who broke my heart so many times I couldn’t even be sad when she broke up, I just isolated myself from everything and everyone for days at a time and just writhed in anxiety in my bed. Screen time up to 15 hours a day.
I can’t believe I let myself do this before. I can blame her all I want, her magical gaslighting powers, and to some extent it’s true, she was very good at reeling me in, but goddamn, I can’t deny my own part in it. I can’t deny I let it happen to myself. I won’t punish myself for it though, I didn’t know any better and I didn’t know how to act. I’m just glad I’m fucking done.
Never gonna waste another second on that lying, secretive, avoidant piece of fucking shit. I tried so long with her, never again. Never.
I always hoped she would come back before. In every discard. This time I fucking hope she doesn’t, and I’m glad she NEVER will.
So I (19M) and my ex (19F) have a 1.5 year history together. It has been a fucking emotional rollercoaster throughout the entire thing. She’s hurt me a lot in the past, avoided accountability and avoided holding herself responsible for how she hurt me. She often avoids serious talks or deeper talks and reparations.
She’s broken my trust several times and betrayed me and it continued even after I confronted her about it (she didn’t cheat but it was adjacent to cheating). She’s also discarded me several times, sent me to therapy instead of holding herself accountable and breaks up with me and then comes back.
The last two times we were together, I felt like a secret. She didn’t tell her friends for months that we were seeing each other. She changed her passcode, and didn’t even want to follow me on socials. Since we weren’t together I decided to make myself a free man and make out with someone at a party - she found out and we haven’t seen each other for about 1.5 months now. She stopped texting me for about 3 weeks at one point, but started breadcrumbing me on Spotify and I sent her a text telling her I was moving the conversation off of the Spotify platform and to messages.
I asked her for a low-pressure meet yesterdsy, and we ended up texting til about 4 in the morning. I apologized a thousand times for kissing this other girl, even though her and I weren’t together. Feels really fucking lame doing that. Anyway, I told her I wouldn’t be able to meet next week cuz I’m going to Prague, and that didn’t seem to be of interest to her.
Instead, she goes to another city in our country with her friend, and they upload two TikToks to this friend’s account. Her friend’s account had been private for maybe 2-3 months, and it just happened to go public now? ”Love at first sight ❤️” and my ex jumping into her arms. Okay. Fine. I didn’t react but I did get a lot of anxiety. Seemed like a bait to get me to react.
I’ve tried talking to her multiple times, had the same conversation millions of times - and still, nothing.
Do I just ghost? People keep saying it’s immature but no one seems able to look at it through a different lens.