u/AbbreviationsNew5580

For context, my partner and I are both in college, same year. I'm not allowed to date or have socials though, and I've been dating him in secret for almost a year. (Yes, we have an age gap but we have discussed this and we have both agreed that we are in the same stage of life and we want this relationship). Over the semester, we meet up at my college once a week, but over breaks we can't really see each other due to not being able to travel/explain to parents. I may be going on vacation overseas next month for a while, and due to the subsequent time zone difference as well as sleeping arrangements + being around my family, the time I spend talking to him will be quite limited. I won't be able to video call him and the times I'll be able to text him will be when im alone which won't be often. I'll miss him a lot and im still debating on whether or not I should go. Hes encouraging me to go, that I should enjoy the trip but I'll really miss him 😭 I was hugging the plushie he gifted me this morning and I started crying a bit. I'm also pretty scared of flying even though it's really safe, which is another thing thats keeping me on the fence with this vacation. On the other hand, the food and sights would be really enjoyable to experience, and depending on the hantavirus outbreak, flying overseas may be something that I should enjoy while its still 100% confirmed that there are no cases that are flying abroad. I'm also really afraid of something happening to me overseas and on the flight, and I wouldn't be able to inform him :( We both want a future with each other and I don't want that to end prematurely outside of our own decisions.

Ever since the start of our relationship, even though we had limits on meeting we could still talk to each other whenever we missed each other, but that won't be the case for about a month. If I do decide to go on the trip, what are some ways that some of you deal with time zone differences as well as general fears about your partner's or your own safety?

For context, we live in the same state but go to different universities. My family does not know I am in a relationship. We met through a club server of a shared interest we have, and a friend group formed out of that club which included him and I. I skipped a year in highschool, and his birthday is past the kindergarden cutoff by a few months, which is why we are both in the same college year while having an age gap. (Yes, age gaps are something to be concerned about especially when we are both so young, but we have discussed this extensively and have agreed that we are in the same stage of life and that we want this relationship). Because the foundation of this relationship started through talking, we both understand that communication is important, and that we talk through our issues, especially if its an issue with each other. I love him so much, he has helped me through a lot of my trauma even though he didn't need to, and has stayed with me through all of it. We have learned so much through each other about ourselves and how to treat each other. He loves and respects me and treats me so well, and, while we may be getting ahead of ourselves at this age, we have talked about living together after graduating college (we have discussed our non-negotiables such as children and we match pretty well with regards to those). I want to introduce him to my family, but there are a few major problems that I do not know how to sort out.

1. I am Asian. My family places a great importance on obedience, respect for seniors, and purity, and they do not allow me to have social media accounts or talk to people online or text people all that much. They do not know I have accounts online. This is due to a series of events of me as a child losing their trust in me due to acts of sin (My family is religious). My internet access was heavily restricted afterwards, and there was even a point where I was locked out of my own phone as a high schooler. So, saying I met my partner online is out of the question, at least not until I move out

2. I am not allowed to date until after graduating college. My family does not want me to date anyone, and my mom doesn't really want me to interact with men.

3. Going back to what my partner and I were discussing, I want to eventually live with him after I graduate and because my parents like to check in with their other adult children (whos spouses they have the contact information of), and my siblings/relatives may drop by at my living area when i do finally have my own, I feel like revealing my partner to my family is just necessary because I don't think the roommate excuse will cut it if there is only one bedroom in the flat that looks lived-in.

4. We do not go to the same university, so I cannot tell them that I met him at college. We do have the same majors though.

5. I want to stay in my state. I like it here, though I do eventually plan on leaving America with my BF once him and I are financially established.

6. Though my BF is also Asian but of a different ethnicity, he is atheist. Later down the line, with how hardcore religious my family is, I don't know how they will take this.

I don't know what to do, I don't know when I should tell them, how I should tell them, or what I should tell them. I want to keep contact with my family because, while I disagree with the way that I was raised, they want the best for me and my parents have gotten a lot more hands off once my siblings grew up and established themselves.

TL;DR I am a young, not independent woman in a relationship and I live with a controlling family of the Asian standard and I want to live with my partner later down the line, after our college graduation. I don't know what to tell my family or how I should tell them about my partner. I do not plan on going NC.

P.S. Yes, my partner and I are young, but we are dating to eventually marry, and living together down the line once we are both in a better spot will be a big cornerstone for that, as we will be getting to know each other in a different environment and we will be around each other for much longer, which, yes, can make or break a relationship with regards to compatibility in the home. However, right now, I really enjoy his company when we meet, and same goes for him. I just want to make this milestone possible at all, and I need to get through this hurdle of breaking the news to my family eventually. I just want to prepare myself for this when the time comes.