u/A_Puzzled_Potato

I'm a woman married to a man the same height as me. I love him and am attracted to him. He's not super buff and doesn't currently make much money. We're happy and doing well.

I've seen people on here saying women are "essentially lesbians".

How would you explain me?

Am I lying to myself? Or just outright lying?

This isn't meant to be hostile, I'm genuinely confused as to how this world view makes sense. Don’t get me wrong I can see what you guys are saying in some of these posts, but it just doesn't make sense as universal or near universal rule.

So about a year and a half ago I found out that my now husband has a porn/cybersex addiction. He was messaging strangers for nudes, not really full blown relationships, but not exactly ethical either. At first I was heart broken because I felt like I couldn't trust him. As time went on I decided to stay and explore my feelings more. I realized that I wasn't particularly upset about the sex, just the lying. I made a post about this in an infidelity recovery sub, and was essentially told I was just in shock and I would be angry soon enough.

Well nearly 2 years later and I'm still not angry about the sexual aspect lol

I'm NOT asking about opening our relationship, that might be a future option but not right now.

I'm simply trying to investigate my own mind.

I'm asking this: why is it that I don't care about the sexual bit? Is this a sign that I lean towards non monogamy?

I remember toying with the idea of having sex with others while in a relationship back in high-school. I had a boyfriend that I would frequently have discussions with about who we thought was hot. I guess I've always leaned that way, I just want to be sure I'm not lying to myself about being ok with it.

I do have fears around being abandoned. If I reassure myself that he'd stay with me, even if we saw other people, I feel mostly fine. I think most of the discomfort I feel with the idea is due to fears surrounding my own perceived inadequacy.

How can you tell how you really feel about non-monogamy? And if it might be for you, or not?