u/AZs245_

So I 21F have a sister 16F who I love very much. This happened a couple months ago when I was back home visiting family for the weekend. My sister went to a concert, my mom asked if I and my boyfriend could take her, I said yes because I was already going there to shop around. I dropped her off at around 8pm and picked her back up around 11.
she also had friends with her I had to drop off but they all live pretty close so it’s no big deal. When we got closer to where we live we all had to use the bathroom super bad and they also wanted food. We turned into Taco Bell 2 min away from one of her friend’s house which also happens to be my ex’s house (their bother and sister). It was closed but her older sister was having a party so I snuck in (I had to go that bad) not wanting to be seen and I went. We get back on the way to our house, my stomach still isn’t settled so I just tell my sister to make some food at home.
My sister decided to order Uber Eats instead of cooking, she didn’t tell anyone she was doing this. The delivery person shows up around 1:30am and my dad gets mad because he thought someone was trying to break in. We live in a nice neighborhood but there is a lot of break-ins. The next day me and my boyfriend are leaving to fly back home he didn’t go with my mom to drop us off because of work. There is more backstory to our relationship and he had been having problems with my sister and mom prior to this conversation that I was not a fan of. This was the conversation.

ME- Just wanted to call cause we’re leaving, thanks for everything and love you

HIM-Safe travels thanks for taking your sister to get something to eat last night it was much appreciated.

ME-Maybe take her yourself next time then. sorry my stomach was hurting and I needed to rush to the bathroom. I won’t even bother to try next time so yea thanks for everything

HIM- You were already out so I don’t understand! and when her Uber eats came at 1 am I’m all worried looking out my window wondering what the fuck is going on while the rest of you guy’s are sleeping and shit and I don’t give a fuck how i make people feel around me I’m not on this fucken planet to make mother fuckers feel good in fact you could take your happy ass out of my house up there no rush just make it happen thanks

For context: my parents purchased a home in the state i live in as a vacation home. I get to live here while paying utilities and some bills. My name is on the house.

ME- I’m so tired of you holding stuff over my head because you know you can use it whenever you get upset. I’m done and you can have “your” house you don’t need to worry about me being there for much longer.

We hadn’t talked for a week after and I was stressing out about finding somewhere to live. This isn’t the first time he’s threaten to kick me out of where I live and I was sick of it. He gave an apology along the lines of “I’m sorry you feel that way”.
Am I the asshole?

*Edit*
Since some people are confused, “him” is my dad. I apologize for not wording that right or clarifying. Like I said my energy matching to my dad was a build up of many many previous incidents like this one. We haven’t always had a great relationship and this was the first time I ever said anything back to him. Maybe it was wrong of me to disrespect him like that, but I was tired of being treated that way and this was my final straw. My name is on the title of the house and yes I understand it’s hard to legally kick someone out of the the house when it’s technically yours but I wasn’t going to sta somewhere I wasn’t wanted. I don’t pay the mortgage, but I do pay utilities.
I agree with a lot of you, it’s a great set up and I am immensely grateful. But I was made uncomfortable and to second guess if I had anywhere stable to come home to, I have a dog and not a small one so it’s not just me I have to worry about. Thanks for everyone chiming in.

I do take after my dad lol, but I do feel like I had nothing to apologize for until I said how I felt. Previous to the texts, my mom tried to tell him what happened but his pride didn’t let him listen to any explanation so he got my version.

So this is my first Reddit post and I wasn’t sure where to put it but I’m a frequent listener and I guess I just need to tell someone that doesn’t know me. What better way than some strangers lol. Sorry if the timeline is a bit confusing, it was a while ago and I don’t remember exact dates.

I am now 21F. This will probably be a little bit of a long story so sorry in advance. The story revolves around myself and two other guys who are now 25M we’ll call him Ron and 26M we’ll call him John, they are also cousins. For some context and background, our parents have known each other since they were in middle/high school so our families have known each other for over 30 years. When we were little me and the two boys hung out all the time because our parents would take us out after school to the park, to eat ,spend quality time on the weekends together, barbecue, family parties, etc. So we grew up pretty close after I was about seven years old we started growing apart, naturally just because of work, school, sports and just life.

Now to get the story the next time I saw them I was 13 years old, they were 18 and 19 we went camping for New years for about a week. majority of that week, only John was there and I didn’t remember him at all but we hit it off pretty quickly. We had no idea of each other‘s age and I’ve always looked around 3/4 years older than my actual age I developed early and I am an eldest daughter so the maturity is there. It was one of those instant connection kind of things like we sat at the campfire for hours talking about life. Easy, interesting and charming conversation. We were drinking a little so it eventually got a flirty, but nothing crazy happened the rest of the week we were talking hanging out and just doing camping activities together more like a friendship. The last three days Ron shows up,I had remembered him, but we hadn’t talked at all this camping trip he stayed pretty much to himself.

Throughout the next year or so we went camping about another five times. Those times we got each other socials and became friends. Me and John had started talking more and more and becoming flirting with each other a little bit more than friends, but not anything more. He knew of my age at that point and I knew his,( we were now around 14& 19)but I guess neither of us saw the problem with it, I was too enamored and naive to see otherwise. I had never actually had a crush on someone before him, and it was almost as if it was too good to be true. Well it was, a couple months talking since we were all friends Ron decided to tell me and go against his cousin saying he didn’t have the best intentions with me and that he really wanted me for one thing. So I broke it off and me and Ron got closer, more as a friendship. He eventually told me that John actually had a girlfriend since high school but they were on and off.

Eventually, ron asked me out and I said yes, and from there we dated for a little under a year. My parents knew we were together and were happy with it, they had known him since he was a baby and he would come to church with us so he gave the impression of good guy. He was caring and nice but VERY clingy, which at the time I wasn’t cool with because I was working, going to school and playing club softball so I really didn’t have time to be with him as much as he wanted.

All in all ended because my dad found out that I had lost my virginity to him at 15 years old. My dad and I already didn’t have the best relationship, he was verbally and emotionally abusive at times and I was a teenager doing teenager things. He ignored me for a month after he found out, he had done this before but never to the extreme of this time. He would avoid being in the same room as me, getting up if I sat down in the living room, ate dinner in my parents room, avoided using our main hallway from the house to wherever we needed to go in it. Throughout this time I went into severe depression. I barely showered and ate, had anxiety attacks daily and didn’t sleep because I had lost not only my dad but my boyfriend too. Side note: my mom tried her best to console me but in the end had to be on my dad’s side, she also had two other kids to raise so I don’t blame her. I had to choose between ron and my dad and I chose my dad.

During this time John came over to my house to pick up something and saw me, I was visibly different and he asked what happened, my mom was right there so I told him I’d text him. This led to us confiding in each other because he had relationship problems as well, he became a source of safety and comfort for me. It was so easy taking to him, I got lost in how good it felt to finally have someone there for me again. This went on for about 3 months before he told me he loved me, yes there was love bombing which I realize now. But I was 15 and he was my dream guy. Him and his girlfriend broke up about a month after he said that and she moved to another state for about 2 more months, during that time we decided to become friends with benefits because no one knew about us, just my close friends. We would go on dates and hook up every now and then. But at the time to me it was more, I felt like we were twin flames, we knew each other inside and out and I had never clicked with anyone that way, like I coukd be 1000% myself and I wouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Well after those two months, his girlfriend moved back and got kicked out of her house, she showed up at his door and asked to move in. Him being the guy he is said yes and I had to break it off. Which was super hard to do as I had gotten insanely attached. From there the next 3 years were a blur of off and on between me and him, falling more in love but trying to stay away from him. Yes, I was aware he had a girlfriend but he would try to tell me when it was on and when it was off. After a while I stopped caring all together and chose to “be” with him. I know I wasn’t right for this but I was 16 and in love. Side note: He had cheated on her before and she chose to stay, at this point they had been together for about 4-5years. One Christmas he went with my aunt (who is 4 years older than him, who also had a boyfriend and child) to the mall to go Christmas shopping, I didn’t think anything of it because well they were friends and like I said our families were close. Months later I found out he had also been with her physically, surprise surprise, and let’s be honest who knows how many other girls. I broke it off completely and we barely kept contact (mostly just him begging to be friends and the “I miss you” texts) eventually we fully went our separate ways.

Then one day I was out (in my senior year of high school in 2022) at a party and got super drunk, he apparently also was doing the same thing because guess who I got a text from? Yea you guessed it, John. But it wasn’t John, he had gotten so drunk and logged into the *ADDITIONAL* Snapchat account that he had to text his women on. His girlfriend texted me, on that account asking what is going on, going through our saved texts and saving explicit images to her phone. (I was 17) I drunkenly explained to her that we hadn’t talked in over a year, but yes I had been with him; she had found out about my aunt and thought I didn’t know and told me. She threatened to tell my parents, I got scared and blocked the account.

A month later I moved to another state for college and around 2 months into the school year, I had received a snap notification about someone adding me under the username “J” I of course knew who it was but I was intrigued so I added him and we talked, he was full of apologies and explained what happened and how. Asking if we could be together again, and offering to come and live with me in college. I was tempted being dumb and naive but I said no, we continued to talk sometimes for around a month and I blocked him, it wasn’t worth my time or emotions anymore.

Around a year later I went to a concert with that aunt (who still to this day has no idea I was ever with him) and her boyfriend, now fiancé. With who she had baby #2. We sat in different sections but went to the concert together. After it was done me and my sister met up with them again and they had been arguing. It was about who she had been texting at the concert, which was ofc John butttt along with another guy. They got into a huge fight and I was shocked to learn he had still been cheating on his girlfriend and that him and my aunt were still bump buddies lol. That night in city traffic we got into an accident because they were arguing and it turned into a whole mess my entire family found out about. They worked through it and are now engaged and have 2 kids, to be married in September of this year. I have since in the 4 years of me having no contact seen John in person, we lived in a small city where everyone usually knows everyone. Him and his girlfriend now have a baby. I have no idea what Ron is up to but best of luck in life to him.

This was brought back up after so long because me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year and yes he knows about all of this. I still have some triggers of mistrust and insecurity when it comes to relationships. He is genuinely the best man I’ve ever met and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He loves me and treats me right, but unfortunately has to deal with some of the things I’m working on. Any advice on how to get over the emotional trauma of this? I have been to therapy before but it didn’t stick, I don’t think it’s worth paying an insane amount of money for again but I will if I need to. I did leave out a lot of little details but if anyone wants to know more let me know. Thanks for reading :)