u/A-Dog-Hair-Dresser

How do you and your kids’ other parent celebrate these days?

Asking because my boys’ bio-mom and I have differing opinions.

Pre-divorce we established that she’d take Mother’s Day and I’d take Father’s Day (we’re both women so that’s reason for divvying up the days).

After we split, when Mother’s Day rolled around we had a conflict. My plan was to go to lunch with my sister and mom and this agitated bio-mom. She said because she was the mother of my kids I should hear her out on what she wanted to do with the day.

It was pretty recent after we decided to split up so maybe she was being spiteful, but maybe it’s more common than I realize?

EDIT: someone told me the post was confusing and based on others’ replies looks like a lot of people are, so to clarify:

Post Separation, do you do anything to celebrate the opposing parent’s holiday?
My ex had the kids on Mother’s Day, they are able to all spend the day together.
I wanted to make plans that the day (by myself, no kids in tow) with my own mom but last year ex said I should be celebrating it with her since she’s the mother of our kids.
That seems weird to me though. I’ve seen other people sometimes get sent flowers by their ex on that day and that also seems weird to me, or is that normal?

I’m turning 36 this month and am currently going through a divorce. I have a 2yo and 4yo that I split custody with my ex.

I currently live by myself and it’s the first time I have done so since moving out of my family home. I’ve always either lived with a family member, a roommate, or my ex.

I can’t afford health insurance, so I’m currently choking down life one day at a time w/o meds or therapy.

I’ve had a lot of revelations since my separation and one of them is that if I want to have a productive and successful life I have to pretend to be someone else.

This isn’t a super foreign concept as growing up (and as an adult in the workplace) I have certainly put on a charming and confident persona with those around me before, you know, as a survival method.

But now in order to survive I have to figure out how to keep that going when I’m at home, by myself, behind closed doors. Because so far when I have just been being myself at home, I suck.

I don’t do chores, I don’t clean, I don’t go outside, I just hop back and forth between playing video games and watching TV and tell myself I’ll do all the hard and tedious stuff later. I’m also spending more than I make and now I’m nearly out of credit with over $15k in debt.

This evening it struck me that supporting myself goes against my nature as I actively seem to fight doing all the adult things.

I know part of the behavior is a form of depression but my ADHD brain doesn’t let me sit in it long enough to actually get ‘depressed’, I have felt the difference.

Meds and therapy aren’t an option now but something I will take up again later this year once I move somewhere cheaper and can afford it.

Are other people experiencing this? Has anyone come out the other side and if so what was the main thing that seemed to actually give you traction with adulting and stop the wheels from just spinning?