u/747294

I (26 y.o.) told him (26 y.o) that I need more attention in a couple of ways already. He doesn’t seem to make an effort to spend time online, never unprompted asks how I am or how my day was.

He IS a very, very introvert person and rarely reaches out to people without reason. I know that, but I just feel like I’m not in a relationship when we don’t text for days on end or if I’m always the person texting first… When I tell him, he says he understands and that he hasn’t been feeling great (I know he’s going through health issues and that he prefers to withdraw when he doesn’t feel well).

Here is where the confusion comes in. Whenever I tell him about how it makes me feel insecure and like he doesn’t care about me he is always so, so kind and understanding and tells me how much he likes me and sees a future with me. And I do believe him, I truly do. But his actions just don’t line up with his words… I would have broken up immediately if I didn’t know that he means what he says. I told him like two or three times now that I would like to get some more attention from him, but nothing changes.

We live like 7h apart and see each other once a month.

We have been dating for 3 months, official since a little over a week (and the trouble is already starting >.<). Our relationship is long distance, we see each other about once a month for a few days. If things go well I could move in in about a year from now. So the only way we could really show appreciation is through texting, but more and more I’m the one initiating conversation.

I feel like as our relationship has gotten more serious, he communicates less. I told him already that we talk less and he said he doesn’t have much to talk about right now and that it’s normal from time to time and I should text him whenever I want, even if it’s just something silly. Also he said that since we finally met each other (we met online a long time ago), the nervousness wore off and he feels secure and communication feels less urgent. I feel the same way, but I just don’t receive enough affection from him and I feel lonely.

He is not the type to text a lot daily, actually he isn’t a very „online“ person, so showing affection over the distance is even more difficult.. I’m more or less fine with the amount of communication we are having, since we are still very affectionate when we see each other and stuff, but I feel like he doesn’t even think about me day to day. I know he does, but I don’t feel it.

Another problem is that he will be home everyday for the next like 2-3 months because of an accident 6 months back, so asking how his day has been for example gets tired quickly XD But he could still ask me about mine :c I just wish he would show me more that he cares and thinks about me in some way.. I showed him I think about him by asking how he is doing and sharing ideas for the next time when we hang out, but since he won’t be able to go out much for a few weeks the ideas are limited. But I also sometimes tell him that I miss him, send pictures of me, tell him when I dreamt about him,… He says he misses me too but rarely says it or anything else to that extent first.

He told me he has been depressed since his accident, which I get, but I still feel kinda neglected emotionally.. Of course trying to be there for him, but I’m sad because I only feel cherished when I’m with him physically, which is just once a month. Also I’m kinda scared that he doesn’t actually love me as much as he says. When I’m in love I can’t help but show the person I love affection, any way I can.