u/45wcb

For context: my entire life I've been considered too weird/ugly/unattractive for dating, flirting, etc by people in my life, and they've not been shy about telling me this. However, those same people have often not understood why I have trouble approaching people, flirting or trying to date. This has had a terrible effect on my mental health.

I've recently decided to be single by choice to put myself first, and one of my biggest motivators for this was reading Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata (I posted about this recently), which has been picked as my book club's book for this month. I saw the way I've been treated in the main character, and it inspired me to reject the whole circus and prioritise myself.

The problem is, because I suggested the book I'm going to have to talk about why I liked it so much, and I want to be as honest as I can about how it made me feel and what I've been through without causing too much of a scene, as these people are my friends (some of them very close friends).

How can I best navigate this? How have you dealt with difficult situations when telling peole about your singleness? Thanks in advance :)

Like a lot of people here, I'm ugly. My entire life I've had people, from close friends to complete strangers, emphasise this. I've repeatedly been considered too ugly for sex, dating, flirting, relationships etc., and the idea of being with me/my attraction to people has been used as a punchline. Yet people have always still demanded that/not understood why I can't or won't approach people, despite the fact they always reference how ugly and weird I am. This has completely fried any desire or ability I had to pursue sex, relationships or flirting. Even outside of that side of things, when I've been complimented on things like my talents, work etc., people have gone out of their way to add in "yeah but he's still ugly though."

Realising the terrible effect this has had on my mental health and self perception, I've decided that staying single is the best course for me. I am free to do what I want, wherever I want, I can wear the clothes I choose, see movies by myself, go to a museum on a trip, work whatever job I choose because I don't have to worry about whether those choices make me "attractive" to a potential partner, because I'm simply not attractive in the first place. I'm not afraid to say that I get a little kick from doing these things because people don't want me to because I'm ugly and weird. People have tried to keep me in this double-bind but I'm not accepting it anymore.

It's been a long, painful journey to get here, but I hope that others can take inspiration from this and find true happiness in putting themselves first.