u/31orchids

hi! i(23f) have been with my fiance (26m) for 4 years now, we just had our anniversary. in the beginning of our relationship we discussed boundaries, one of which was porn. he agreed and said he doesnt watch anyway. well come to find out, about 2 years in, he had been watching porn. i thought it was minor, every here and there so i was like okay i guess i can accept this but please dont do it again because it was one of our boundaries we established in the beginning.

well, in the last two years ive come to understand it is an addiction, and not only to porn but sex in general. he used to get VERY angry with me if i didnt want to have sex, or if i didnt want to do certain positions because they felt degrading. he would threaten to leave me if we didnt have more sex. anyway, on feb 9th, id been continuing to have bad dreams about him lying to me and hiding things from me again, and my therapist straight up told me that he almost definitely is lying to me. so i went to look at his phone just to see his reaction, and it was very telling. snatched it from my hands rather aggressively, started calling me names. so i left the room and when he came back i very calmly told him “i know you have been lying to me again. its very clear. would you like to be honest? or would you like to leave?” he still tried denying it but i KNEW. so eventually he came clean. he left my place for 4 days, i talked to him on the fourth day to try and rekindle (i know very foolish of me, but i grew up in foster care, was horribly abused by my biological parents and then suffered they the foster system, so i have a very hard time leaving anyone or anything. i am working on this in therapy but i know its important info) he then “told me everything” and got a new therapist and “was the happiest he had ever been” and everything seemed great.

well unfortunately that was all also a lie. over the past month hes been much more irritable and distant. and i kept having dreams again. so i dug into it again, and after much denying, he finally told the truth. now, he seems to be really telling me “everything” but it is very intimidating. he says hes a sex addict and he knows he cannot fix it on his own, he says he goes from loving me so much to hating me within minutes, he says hes never satisfied fully in sex because he pretends im women from porn hes watched. i love him so much and i want to give him another chance and help him be better but ive put so much of myself aside to try and be enough for him and try to be supportive of him and let him know its okay to be honest with me, that i just love him and want to help him but even that wasnt enough. i dont want to live the rest of my life being lied to and gaslit and blindsided by horrible things. i know addicts can recover but its bee 4 years of this. he says he is going to go to SAA meetings, which is a step hes never taken before. but my self esteem, my sense of self, the trust is completely gone. but when things are good, they are so good (at least to me.. cos apparently hes never been happy) its just so hard to understand, if hes never been happy why does he keep coming back to me and begging for another chance making all the right promises? does he just enjoy hurting me? does he just want somewhere to live and someone to have sex with?
i am 23 years old, i have my own business and am an ER vet tech, constantly working. he is 26years old with no idea what hes doing and wasting all his time watching porn on the internet (like literally hours a day). i coukd get past the porn if it was “normal” usage but hearing him say it gives him anger issues and makes him hate me? and hours a day? i just dont know what to do.. or deep down i know i need to leave. but im just wondering what the recovery rate is for people who struggle with this addiction? is there anything i can do to help him more? or should i just put on my big girl pants and leave