u/211Soulza

Hi guys, I’m 27M and my ex is 24F.

We’ve known each other for over 6 years. We started seeing each other around 3 years ago and became official about six months later. She became my fiancée, my best friend, and honestly the only person I’ve ever genuinely imagined spending the rest of my life with.

I wasn’t perfect, not even close. Before dating her I was in a messy place emotionally, and it showed early in the relationship. I kept “backup plans” emotionally, including talking to other girls in ways I shouldn’t have. She found out, we fought, broke up briefly, then got back together and tried to fix things. We went to couples counseling and I went to individual therapy and genuinely tried rebuilding the trust I damaged.

Things were never exactly the same after that, and I understand why. But from my perspective, our relationship still felt good and meaningful. Good enough that I proposed to her, and she said yes.

Recently, she ended things. At first, I accepted it as a consequence of the damage I caused early on. The confusing part is that she never fully let me go afterward. We kept texting constantly (we’ve stopped recently because I need space), and she kept saying she still wanted us someday, but that she needed to “fix her own problems first.” She has a very difficult family situation, especially involving her mother, and I kept believing that maybe we’d eventually find our way back to each other.

That was until last night.

I went out for the first time since the breakup with a friend and his wife. While talking about everything, they mentioned something I didn’t know: apparently my ex kissed another girl during my friend’s birthday party last year while we were still together. According to them, it happened because she was upset after I made an overly sexual joke with one of my male friends, and she thought I had crossed a line or humiliated her.

Here’s where I’m struggling emotionally: I know I hurt her first. I betrayed trust by talking to other girls. I understand why she carried resentment from that. But now I’m finding out she also crossed a line and never told me the truth about it.

So now I feel stuck between guilt, anger, love, and confusion all at once.

We’re already broken up, and part of me knows I should move on. But I still love her deeply, and even after a month apart, the feelings haven’t really faded. Being away from her feels awful, but staying emotionally attached also hurts.

I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

I guess what I’m asking is: how do you know when a relationship is genuinely broken beyond repair versus two flawed people hurting each other and failing to communicate properly? And for people who went through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over the “what ifs” and finally move forward?

Hi guys, I’m 27M and my ex is 24F.

We’ve known each other for over 6 years. We started seeing each other around 3 years ago and became official about six months later. She became my fiancée, my best friend, and honestly the only person I’ve ever genuinely imagined spending the rest of my life with.

I wasn’t perfect, not even close. Before dating her I was in a messy place emotionally, and it showed early in the relationship. I kept “backup plans” emotionally, including talking to other girls in ways I shouldn’t have. She found out, we fought, broke up briefly, then got back together and tried to fix things. We went to couples counseling and I went to individual therapy and genuinely tried rebuilding the trust I damaged.

Things were never exactly the same after that, and I understand why. But from my perspective, our relationship still felt good and meaningful. Good enough that I proposed to her, and she said yes.

Recently, she ended things. At first, I accepted it as a consequence of the damage I caused early on. The confusing part is that she never fully let me go afterward. We kept texting constantly (we’ve stopped recently because I need space), and she kept saying she still wanted us someday, but that she needed to “fix her own problems first.” She has a very difficult family situation, especially involving her mother, and I kept believing that maybe we’d eventually find our way back to each other.

That was until last night.

I went out for the first time since the breakup with a friend and his wife. While talking about everything, they mentioned something I didn’t know: apparently my ex kissed another girl during my friend’s birthday party last year while we were still together. According to them, it happened because she was upset after I made an overly sexual joke with one of my male friends, and she thought I had crossed a line or humiliated her.

Here’s where I’m struggling emotionally: I know I hurt her first. I betrayed trust by talking to other girls. I understand why she carried resentment from that. But now I’m finding out she also crossed a line and never told me the truth about it.

So now I feel stuck between guilt, anger, love, and confusion all at once.

We’re already broken up, and part of me knows I should move on. But I still love her deeply, and even after a month apart, the feelings haven’t really faded. Being away from her feels awful, but staying emotionally attached also hurts.

I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

I guess what I’m asking is: how do you know when a relationship is genuinely broken beyond repair versus two flawed people hurting each other and failing to communicate properly? And for people who went through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over the “what ifs” and finally move forward?