u/1DandBey0nd

AITA for overreacting

My guy best friend and I have a complicated situationship. We met on Tinder and used to hook up, but we haven’t in over a year. I still stay over sometimes out of convenience, but nothing happens.

We’ve been friends for almost two years and spend a lot of time together. He struggles with depression and PTSD from his past, which can lead to intense emotional outbursts. Usually it’s verbal, but a few fights have escalated more than that.

Outside of those moments, he can be really selfish. He had a rough upbringing and wasn’t taught to consider other people, which I understand—but it still affects me. He’s tried to improve and even went to therapy, but I’m often told I’m “too sensitive” or “too much.”

When he’s in a bad state, he’s told me he doesn’t like when I talk and that he’s only friends with me because he has no one else. During arguments, he’s body-shamed me, which really hurts because I’ve lost over 100 pounds and I’m still very insecure.

To be fair, when he’s in a good mindset, he can be caring—he cooks for me, makes sure I’m comfortable, offers to help when I’m stressed, and does small things to support me.

But when he switches, it’s like none of that matters. One time he asked me to stay over, then woke me up at 4am because of a booty call and kicked me out. When I try to explain why things hurt me, he’ll say “I’m not reading that” and ignore me.

The last couple months, he’s genuinely been trying to be better, which is why I’m conflicted. But I still have a lot of built-up hurt.

Today we were on a walk talking about body types, and when “apple-shaped” came up, he said I was one. I tried to brush it off, but he kept repeating it even after I said it bothered me. I stepped away to sit on a bench.

When he came back, he started calling me “Apple” instead of my usual nickname. I think he was trying to be playful, but it just made it worse. I eventually walked back to my car, and he texted “Apple, where’d you go?”

On the drive back, he stopped and tried to joke in other ways to make it better but I tried to say I don’t think we’re compatible as friends anymore—that I’m too sensitive for his humor and too hurt by past comments. But he kept cutting me off with “okay” and said he didn’t care what I had to say.

We sat in silence the rest of the drive. When he got out, he told me he loved me and to drive safe.

TL;DR: My best friend repeatedly called me “apple” (about my body) knowing it’s a major insecurity, and I told him I don’t think we should be friends anymore. Am I overreacting?

Am I wrong for being upset? I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting anymore.

My guy best friend and I have kind of a weird situationship. We met on Tinder and used to hook up, but we haven’t done anything in over a year. I still sleep over sometimes out of convenience, but nothing happens.

We’ve been friends for almost two years and spend a lot of time together. We’ve had our share of fights. He struggles with depression and PTSD from his past, which can lead to intense emotional outbursts. Most of the time it’s verbal, but a few arguments have escalated more than that.

Outside of those moments, he can still be really selfish. He had a rough upbringing and wasn’t really taught to consider other people. I understand that, and I know it’s not an excuse—but it does affect how he treats me. He’s tried to improve, even going to therapy, but I’m often told I’m “too sensitive” or “too much.”

When he’s in a bad state, he’s told me he doesn’t like when I talk and that he’s only friends with me because he has no one else. He’s also body-shamed me during arguments, which hits hard because I’ve lost over 100 pounds and I’m still really self-conscious.

To be fair, when he’s in a better mindset, he can be very caring. He makes sure I’m comfortable, cooks for me when I’m upset, offers to help when I’m stressed about bills, and even helps me in games when I want to unlock things.

But when he shifts back into that selfish mindset, it’s like none of that matters. For example, one night he asked me to stay over, but at 4am he got a booty call, woke me up, and kicked me out. When I try to explain why things hurt me, he’ll say “I’m not reading that” and ignore my messages—even outside of arguments.

The last couple of months, I can tell he’s really been trying to do better. He’s been more considerate and responsive, but I still have a lot of built-up hurt from how he’s treated me.

Today, we went on a walk and were talking about body types. When “apple-shaped” came up, he immediately said I was one. I tried to brush it off, but he kept repeating it even after I told him it was bothering me. He told me I am too sensitive which really sent me over so I asked him to finish the walk without me and sat on a bench.

When he came back, he started calling me “Apple” instead of my usual nickname. I could tell he thought he was being playful, but it just made things worse. I eventually walked back to my car, and he texted “Apple, where’d you go?” By the time we got to the car, he stopped, but I was already upset.

On the drive back, I tried to explain that I don’t think we’re compatible as friends anymore—that I’m too sensitive for how he jokes, and I have too much hurt tied to the things he says. But he kept cutting me off with “okay” and said he didn’t care what I had to say.

We sat in silence the rest of the drive. When he got out, he told me he loved me and to drive safe.

And now I feel bad and like I over reacted. We obviously fought more than what I’m putting but I don’t know if I’m wrong for over reactions and being so upset for him calling me an apple and should apologize.

But I just don’t think we’re compatible anymore. If he wants someone he can joke with like that I don’t think I can be that person anymore. There’s so much trauma associated with negative things he says but also I just don’t think I’d want a friend whose way of joking is insulting me.

TL;DR: My best friend repeatedly called me “apple” (referring to my body shape), knowing it’s a major insecurity of mine. I got mad and I told him I don’t think we should be friends anymore. Am I overreacting?