I never really dated in school and spent my life being celibate. Grew up religious and came out much later in life at 22. Always had people ask me out or try stuff but I turned it all down. I want relationships now so I have to overcome this fear of the unknown.
I’ve spent 7-8 years focusing on therapy and creating self development related changes in my life. Like overcoming many generational patterns, behaviors, and cycles that kept me stuck unable to progress.
Now I have to do the hard part and be vulnerable with another person if I want meaningful and honest relationships with someone. It’s also scary because I’m not used to allowing physical touch. Especially from men… coming out late I still have a filter of “I shouldn’t allow this-“ even though it’s what I want.
I’m also not sure about dating because I stopped in Highschool after someone just liked me cz of their kink. They liked chubby smart guys with glasses and curly hair. Specifically they had a weight fetish so I never went further. It felt more degrading than liberating for me then if I proceeded.
I’m 270 lbs 5’11 now, a bit more masculine presenting and stocky build. I’m attracting the guys I like, muscular or fit and more top/side oriented. I’m too scared to meet anyone even though the men are so attractive. Not sure how to get passed it