I go back to work Wednesday after being gone for three months on medical leave to seek help for my mental health. Before I left, I was regularly having breakdowns at work. I hated myself, didn't think I had any worth or deserved to be living, like everyone would be better off without me, I was crying alllllll the time, unable to stop and get ahold of myself, sometimes having to go home and be out for a couple of days at a time which made me hate myself even more and feel like such an inconvenience and so worthless. I talked to some people at work about it, but I'm not sure who else saw or was aware or what they thought.
While I still have ups and downs, I am doing much better now! But I am SO nervous about going back to work. I am so worried about how I will be received, what people will say, what they think of me, are they mad at me for being gone and leaving them short a full time staff member for so long, what have I missed, what bonds I have previously formed are now damaged - whether due to the other person hating or judging me or just bec we haven't spoke in a while, will I be out of practice/not up to date on any new processes and be slow and give them more cause to hate me.
I am spiraling with all the possibilities! I just really need any help or advice reframing my thoughts or mentally preparing to go back or being willing to accept that everyone thinks I'm the worst, idkkk. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated!!!!!