WIBTAH if I sent this text to my dad after a fight about the distance between us?
My dad and I were at the grocery store because he wanted to pick up some flowers for his wife and suggested I get a card for her for mother's day. I assumed he would want one as well as we were there picking up flowers last minute, so I grabbed one for him but he said he had one. He then said "no you need a card, fucking moron." I rarely have ever called him out for his outbursts, but this time I told him he can't say that to me and he needs to treat me with respect. This lead to a meltdown in the store where he said I don't respect HIM because I never call and that me not having a card was just another case of ME not respecting him because I never listen to him. He has a lot of health problems and admittedly I don't remember all of them, earlier he was very upset that I didn't remember what eye condition he has. I want to send him this text so bad, but honestly it may just make things worse. Is this too hurtful, or just the right amount of tough love needed? He is not exactly abusive, but he has had some pretty heated outbursts. See below.
You barely even keep me in the loop with family get togethers and you suck at communicating just as much as I do. Did you ever give me a call, or ask me for one? You can't vent your frustrations about it on me the way you did if you want that to change, all you had to do was open up and say you wanted to hear from me more. I tried finding ways to spend time with you like movies, music, golf, but you were the one who had no interest in continuing these things. We have different interests and thats ok, but I did try to find inroads. I gave up because I was hurt that you didn't want to spend time with me. Part of the tension between us comes from your frustration and lack of patience. Rather than being a guide, you jump to anger and belittle me or completely disengage. People shut off when you communicate through anger, that's why you dont get through to me. I understand that emotional regulation is hard for you, but I don't have to tolerate you losing your temper. Saying "get out of my life" when you're upset is fucking crazy, you should appreciate that I know you well enough to understand that you don't mean that. It's not the first time you've gone too far and said too much. You're lashing out because you expect us to have a closer relationship, but you don't understand how to have one. I also want you to acknowledge, if I say I don't like being called a "fucking moron" your apology rings hollow when your responses changed from "I shouldn't have to remind you" to "I was just joking." Clearly you said what you felt, and I have enough self respect now that I'm going to call you out on it. Your lack of emotional regulation and communication skills are not my burden. I am not saying this to be hurtful: see a therapist. You are so wound up with decades of anger and frustration and you never even try to process it. I do love you very much. Both of us are having a hard time navigating this relationship and you are in a stressful chapter of your life, but I can't do this if you can't control your temper.