I used to think overthinking meant I was being careful or thorough or that my planning will make it easier when I do take action.
But if I’m honest, most of the time I wasn’t solving anything.
I was just running the same thoughts again and again, trying to feel certain, perpetually planning instead of taking action, and waiting for clarity that never actually showed up.
It felt sometimes felt productive, but nothing changed because I never took physical action.
What finally clicked for me was realizing there are really only a few patterns behind most overthinking like:
trying to predict everything
replaying things that already happened
waiting to feel “ready” before acting
Once I started catching which pattern I was in, it got a lot easier to stop following it
Not perfectly, but enough to actually move instead of just sitting in my head
I ended up putting this into a short book because I kept seeing the same patterns repeat in a number of different situations
If anyone’s stuck in that loop, it might help. It’s free on Amazon right now (as of this posting date).
Just to start off, I have anxious attachment issues. I think I’m making my husband closed off due to them. Every time I ask him if I’m too much, or if I am controlling him, he tells me that he sees my point of view and I’m not asking for too much. It doesn’t feel like that though. I feel like I can be controlling, so I do my best to catch it within myself, and I ask him to please let me know if I am doing something wrong. like I said he always assures me. At times he will tell me he feels that I am controlling, and I will apologize and ask to fix it to where we both feel good.
The only problem is, I feel it in my gut that he’s over it and me. He keeps reassuring me that this is not the case and he loves me and misses me a lot. Since I’ve been feeling like a burden on him I decided not to call him or text him a ton. However I now notice that he barely text me anymore, I am the one initiating calls, text, or conversations. (We are also long distance) When we do get on calls I can tell he is scrolling through instagram. These past weeks I haven’t called him due to work. He used to call me on his way home, but he hasn’t called either. I keep thinking about how I had to get used to not talking to my husband for days on end. Because if he is not texting me then he does not want to text me, and I was doing nothing but bothering him this whole time.
I thought we had good communication, but now it feels like he’s just going through the motions. Since I know I have an anxious attachment, and a tendency to overthink, I’m wondering if it’s all in my head and he’s truly busy, and just is too mentally exhausted with his workload to have conversations. I know I can be a lot, but he never use to make me feel that way. Now it feels like that’s all he sees me as. So is it all in my head and he’s just trying his best or is he done with me? and if it is just me, how do I fix me?
On purpose, the gap, and GOD being my only anchor
"I don't really know how to start this. A blog. A confession. Somewhere to put the parts that don't have anywhere else to go."
I feel uneasy. Not just today specifically, just in general. Like something is slightly off in a way I have no idea what to do about sometimes, because I can't fully name it. Like I'm living adjacent to my actual life, watching footage of it, almost waiting to find the door in...
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Lately I’ve been feeling like I am living like a loser.
Also adding to that the feeling of being unlovable at all times. Every night I cry myself to sleep thinking that maybe there isn’t anyone made for me. Asking for help to my friends seems like I’m being a burden on them. I’m in my room most of the time and I’m using alcohol and cigarettes to numb this feeling. I’ve been drinking 4 days a week for the last 4 years and smoking is like I do at random whenever I feel a little bit of stressed which is more than 20 a day easily. When I’m not drinking or smoking I’m studying and I don’t really have much time to do anything else. I used to go to the gym but I had an injury which I’m still recovering from so now I can’t go there either. All my friends are in different cities and I have a hard time making new ones so I’ve stopped talking to people. I don’t have a girlfriend. A couple of failed situationships nothing more than that. I have a hard time believing the fact that anyone could find me attractive enough to be in a relationship with me. My self esteem and confidence are down to the extent that when I’m talking to someone I would try to end that conversation as fast as possible. I also have a hard time acknowledging the basic human emotions. I don’t remember the last time I genuinely laughed loudly. It feels like god is punishing me for something, I just don’t know what. Some nights I would say that it’s karma and I deserve it but I don’t recall doing anything that bad really. The place where I study, I’m surrounded by people all the time and we talk but I don’t trust any of them enough to talk tk them about my life and what I’m dealing with. I portray myself as a solid funny guy whose life is amazing and has no problems whatsoever. None of my friends text or call me until I do it first. And looking back at the time I spent with them 4 years ago, I feel like they never did anything first until I went out of my way and talked to them. Be it making plans to hangout, going to a party, even birthdays. Maybe I’m just meant to be the backup friend they can always rely on when they have no one else to talk to. Same goes for my failed situationships, they all ended up saying the same thing, “You’re too nice for me, and I just want to be friends with you”. At this point I’ve stopped approaching women all together. I’ve had a total of 4 situationships and I stopped talking to anyone new after the 4th one ended,after us talking for almost 6 months and every time I used to ask her to go somewhere to eat with me she would refuse or make up excuses. I’m jealous of seeing people around me finding love so quickly in a matter of weeks. When is it my turn to feel loved.
Well that’s it, I’m open to hearing your thoughts on what I should do cause I can’t figure this out on my own.