I don’t know if it’s my medication but I am feeling very impulsive, restless and very energetic, I also feel a strange high and happiness. I hate how distracted I feel right now too I’m trying to enjoy videos but I can’t pay attention. Does anyone have any idea what it could be?
The whole time I was there it felt pretty uncanny to me for some reason it made my derealization worse. They put me on abilify while I was there which made my stay even WORSE. I was so restless, I felt the need to move around and pace which is hard where I stayed. My hands and body are still shaking, I felt nauseous and really hot which i don’t know if it’s a side effect and I also still feel really weak since they also gave me vistaril 50 mg since my heartbeat would be at 130 which made my side effects worse. The food was always cold. I hate having major depressive disorder, I want to be in denial about my mental health but it’s hard to be. Other than that I miss the people there and the groups, they are way more nicer than people I’ve met out.
I don’t even know how to explain what life is like watching someone you love slowly disappear into a constant state of mental pain that nobody seems able to stop.
He’s my partner of 10 years. I live with this every day. And honestly, I think people massively underestimate what severe depression, nervous system shutdown and long-term mental distress actually looks like behind closed doors.
Most mornings start before he’s even out of bed.
It’s not laziness. It’s not “not wanting to get up”. It’s like waking up and immediately feeling trapped inside another day you already know you don’t have the energy to survive. He’ll lie there not wanting to move, but sleeping longer makes him feel worse too, so eventually he has to almost rip himself out of bed while already overwhelmed, angry and exhausted before the day has even started.
And that’s the part people don’t see.
Sometimes he wakes up already wanting to scream or smash something because his whole body feels wrong. Not dramatic wrong. Deep nervous system wrong. Like his brain and body are rejecting existence itself. And in those moments I can feel how much he hates being alive inside that feeling.
People always say “go for a walk”, “do breathing exercises”, “talk about your feelings”, but they don’t understand how deep this goes. When your nervous system has basically been stuck in survival mode for years, those things can feel insultingly small compared to the size of the pain.
And the anger… that’s the hardest part.
He gets angry because he’s trapped. Angry because nothing helps. Angry because he feels abandoned by the NHS after years of trying to get help. Angry because every medication either numbed him, caused side effects, made him worse, or just did nothing. Diazepam. Quetiapine. Amitriptyline. Therapy. CBT. EMDR. CBD. Weed. Supplements. Endless conversations. Endless appointments. Nothing has actually given him his life back.
Sometimes he gets angry at me or the people around him because part of him feels like we’re forcing him to stay here and keep experiencing this pain every day. I know he doesn’t truly mean it in the way it sounds, but when someone is drowning mentally for years, everything starts feeling like pressure, expectations, noise, demands.
And afterwards the guilt destroys him.
That’s what people don’t understand about anger mixed with severe depression and shutdown. Underneath the anger is usually shame, fear and desperation. He knows it hurts the people around him. He knows I end up carrying a lot emotionally. And when he calms down he’ll say he feels guilty all the time because he thinks he’s becoming someone he doesn’t want to be.
He’s told me he’s scared of himself sometimes because when the anger takes over it feels bigger than him, like he loses control of where to put all the pain. And honestly, from my side, that’s terrifying too because I can see he isn’t some evil or violent person. I can literally see someone whose nervous system has been overloaded for so long that it’s breaking down under the weight of it.
And then there’s me.
I know I annoy him sometimes. I know I can wind him up without meaning to. I know sometimes he looks at me like “why can’t you just make this stop”. And the horrible thing is… I can’t.
I care about him more than anything in the world, but love doesn’t magically regulate someone’s nervous system or remove years of trauma, depression, chronic stress and hopelessness. Sometimes I sit there trying to calm him down and I can literally see it not touching the sides. Like his brain is somewhere so dark that my words can’t even reach him anymore.
That’s the part that destroys me.
Watching someone you love desperately want relief but be terrified of everything at the same time. He wants something to work so badly he’s even looked into microdosing mushrooms because normal treatment hasn’t helped, but he’s scared too. Scared of making things worse. Scared of losing control. Scared because at this point every “solution” feels like another gamble.
People see mental health as sadness. What I see is someone fighting his own brain every single day while trying to survive inside a body that never feels safe or calm.
And the worst part is he’s still here having to wake up and repeat this same loop over and over again while services pass him around, misunderstand him, medicate him, or leave him waiting for help that never really comes.
I genuinely don’t think people understand how traumatic it is to live like this long term. It started when we were 20, got really bad in 2023 and declined since. we haven’t go to live our lives. We’re stuck in limbo. Both don’t work, have nothing for ourselves and mourn what could have been. This is mental torture for both of us.
At 17, I was diagnosed with Severe Major Depressive Disorder with recurrent episodes. My episodes last months and usually consist of negative self talk, zero motivation and executive dysfunction. I am 26 now and have been on almost every med in the book, if not all. I decided to wean off of all psych meds as none of them work, and if they do, they don’t work for longer than a year. After a couple months, where i’m pretty sure there’s no meds in my system anymore, my mood is actually pretty okay, but the lack of motivation and fatigue are the biggest issues for me and in result of that, I feel lazy and sad. I could lay in bed for days and still feel tired. And I eat like shit right now although when i’m feeling fine, I love to cook and work out and be healthy.
I truly am not sure what to do. My psychiatrist says she really doesn’t have any more recommendations for me. That scares me. The last/only medication she recommended is Lamictal. Anyone have any advice or words to their experience with Lamictal, or just in general? Anyone with a similar diagnosis or experience?
She recommended it months ago but I wanted to see if I could do this without medication. My current therapist thinks that I can, but i’m honestly suffering. I’m in bed for days and i’m so sad. I feel like i’m wasting away.
posting on multiple subreddits, looking for some help 🤍
Life has been pretty difficult lately, first got diagnosed with autoimmune disease which has now induced depression.
I have been so miserable since last December, everything feels so difficult. Mood is always low and then there’s immense sadness. Don’t feel like doing anything, left gym and swimming as well.
Even office feels so hard, I want to quit so badly. This job is also taking a toll on me.
I wish to get my life back so badly!!
I have a few diagnosis including major depressive disorder. However recently I had a 3 month manic episode from taking an antidepressant and now the psychiatrists wont prescribe me any more. What are the options at this point? He just had me on aripiprazole for a bit over a month and all I did was sleep it was horrible. I really don't know what to do and I'm starting to lose hope with everything.