r/houseplantscirclejerk

Can you guess which one is me?

I swear this is a plant

Everyone keeps saying that keeping more than 2 leaves on an Alocasia is hard, I simply don't think this is true, look here, I got 4 😛

!

AITA if i send him away to military school?

I think he should actually jerk more cuz even if they're not blue, look at those balls. so... how can I help him move past his complexe?

Look at my rare "fenestrating Michelle" its really getting those nice jagged holes and crumbly edges we all seek out! Sure you can buy it, but hurry before shes so fenestrated it gets hard to find!

Really? NONE of my other anthurium OR even alocasia have this trouble, even my stupid pink princesses dont need more humidity. She is supposed to be easy to keep, but its slow, weak and just ugly. Supposedly room humidity is enough.

Her roots are perfect. Perfect. She her watering has been perfect. I've met all the requirements, but it's ugly crap.

Ive kept it in an Ikea cab at 60%, 74f day, 70f night. I've kept it in room ambient. Ive given it from 20ppfd to 300ppfd. None of these changed anything, it didnt care about light or humidity. Its in ambient now and if her next leaf isn't perfect, shes gone.

Truly, i find genetics from grocery store plants to be healthier and stronger than the big name growers offerings these days. Michelle should be rock solid.

Well, this one is my own damn fault. I think I overwatered her, then I set her outside to “dry out” bc I was too lazy to unpot and check for root rot. Then I felt down into the soil and like as far as my finger would go down it was dry, so I watered it but still left it outside. And now we’re here. Dejected. Resigned. Confused. I’ll probably chop and prop what’s left. I wish I had an original photo. She was once quite happy.

Shame me, for funsies.

Who names these things?

Hello! This plant is highly sentimental because I stole it from the funeral of my husband’s girlfriend. (There’s a certain satisfaction derived from outliving your enemies). I don't know how much sunlight it needs, and I'm assuming it wants to be watered when the soil is dry. I have many other houseplants but nothing that looks like this one. Can you help me ID her and please share any tips to keep her alive; it would be appreciated! Also, is this a pest? Thank you!

Coming from a 'professional' seller, it’s even worse. Peak expertise right here ✨🔥

Or is he just fast. I sat my wineglass down and now he’s caressing it.

My two alocasias are now 3 different colors?? One leaf is white, one is like green and one is yellow??

Does it need to be locked up??

Is it gay or is it just saying "thank you"?1?? 😨😰😱

Hey all, I was wondering if this soil mix and pot works for my bonsai project. I think the plant is called pathos? I just watered it and it grows my dark windowless bathroom but gets enough light when I have to take a shit if that helps.

Who do I talk to about suing for public indecency??!