Hi, I really need some opinions form brutally honest people. And sorry in advance for my possibly bad english, it's not my first language.
I (f) recently broke up with my ex (m), and even though I genuinely believe it was the right decision, the way he reacted and everything that's happened since is making me question if I was too harsh.
This was my first relationship and it lasted a few months more than a year. We dated for half a year and I broke contact two months before we made it official (first red flag ik). In the beginning he was constantly saying how I was his "peace" and gave his life meaning. In hindsight I think he relied on me way too much emotionally.
In the first month of us being together I found out he watched porn/gooned to hot women on insta. He told me he was the "biggest gooner" with a smile in his face (he saw me looking at an insta story from a woman like that). I told him that I didn't like that and was crying while he looked at me with a blank stare. He said he would stop, but I never really had proof. Later on (more in the second half of the relationship), I kept seeing him like sexualized Insta reels, and it made it really hard for me to trust that anything actually changed.
I also told multiple times that I wanted more effort in the relationship and even told him specifically what would make me happy. He would say he understood, but he never really followed through or changed anything consistently.
There was also a situation from before we were even together where a guy friend sent me a picture (nothing ever happened between us, we both weren't interested in eachother in the end). My ex later found it, bc I was still snapping him, and it hurt him really deeply, but instead of talking to me, he kept it inside for months. He called it my distraction.
Two months later we went on a summer trip together and he was passive-aggressive the whole time and never helped me with chores and left trash for multiple days in the aribnb. I had no idea why he was like this bc when he saw the pictures, I told him a few days later, that he could talk to me about it, if he needed to. He tried to initiate something sexually without properly waking me or making sure I was aware/consenting, which made me uncomfortable.
After that trip I told him that I had enough of things going on like this bc I felt like I was the only one putting in effort for the relationship.
I went on another vacation like 2 months later without him (I had planned it before we got together). While I literally was on the plane he texted me and dropped a bomb on me, telling me he was hurt about that earlier situation with the other guy and because of me being more distant, for months.
When I came back from the vacation we met and I actually wanted to break up, but couldn't bc he started crying heavily and told me he had harmed himself. That completely overwhelmed me. I stayed because he was really important to me and I genuinely wanted things to work, even though deep down I already felt like we weren’t good for the future.
From there everything got worse (except our 1 year anniversary tbh). We had more arguments bc I was constantly on edge (I was drained). He felt neglected, bc I only saw him on sundays. He kept liking sexualized content on insta and I ended up blocking him bc I was sick of it. I explained it and he said he understood - he ended up removing my initial in his bio and our highlight. We didn't meet for almost a month after this.
Then I broke up over text bc I was afraid he would start crying again if I met him in person. He literally responded with just "cool". We had a two hour discussion over text, where hi literally only attacked me and talked about how hurt he was. I apologised multiple times. And he never did once, even tho I literally told him, that I would appretiate it bc he wasn't the only one hurt in the relationship.
A month later I texted him and asked how he was doing and he said "fine". Two weeks later he asked me why I even texted him and accused me of only texting me bc I was hurt from another "distraction". He also said he felt empty and kinda wanted me back. A week after I found out he followed my coworker bc she sent me a screenshot. She accepted him and saw he reposted reels about situationships and I also could see that he followed more people than before. Then my friend sent me a screenrecording of his profile on a dating app where he stated on his profile he searched for something "casual and seeing where it would go".
My brithday was a few days ago and he didn't congratulate me. His birthday is also in a few days and I'm planning on congratulating him either way, bc that's how I am.
So, yeah please, I really need opinions on how I handled all this, bc I'm kinda spiraling.