I 20 M was dating this girl 20 F who I had instant chemistry with. She was perfect head to toe. One of the funniest people I genuinely ever met. It was like meeting my twin flame but she lived about an hour and forty mins away which was no problem for me because I would do anything for this woman. We were going steady for about 11-12 months and during this time my mom and step dad were having increasingly heated arguments at home. It got to a point where my step dad was hitting my mom. (Thankfully she divorced him soon after this and is happy and well) but during this time I was managing my younger siblings. Taking them away from our home to get some space by buying them food, or taking them to hang out with mine or their friends. Just to create some space so they didn’t have to watch the meltdown. But in doing this I had to stay super strong juggling them, work, college and my mom. It got to a breaking point cause I was just doing so much that I bottled all my feelings up. So I do what any sane person does and confide in my girlfriend about my trials and tribulations.
Now during this time it was spring break so I decided to go and visit her at her childhood home to hang out with her and her parents. I drove around 3 hrs to her house and I arrived in the morning. We had a beautiful afternoon and evening and then night came. We had just watched a movie and we were winding down relaxing and just joking around. So I took this opportunity to get all my nonsense off my chest, because I was carrying so much baggage and she was genuinely concerned about my home life. So I tell her everything. It was a lot to get off my chest but she assured me that she would more than happy to be a shoulder to cry on. However, as I was telling her what was happening and right after I said something about my mom getting hit by my step dad she said “And that’s why I f*cked your stepdad”. I weirdly almost threw up after she said that. It was out of nowhere. It was completely unprovoked and just devastating to hear. I completely stopped what I was saying and asked her if she was joking. She said yes she was joking but she said it super unassuringly which made me feel even sicker. So I said if she was joking that was the worst joke I’ve ever heard. I then proceeded to tell her that I was going to shower to clear my head. After my shower I came back to her bed to her crying and reassured her that we would talk about it in the morning. Also prior to my visit she had just slept over my house so I was having a full blown panic attack silently in her bed. In the morning she apologized and life went on.
I tried really hard to move on from this reminding myself that it was a badly timed joke. But it just ate at me. I kept it together for a few more months but ultimately I couldn’t take it anymore. I ending things with her, not saying it was her fault and that it was me not her. I felt that if I said what I truly felt that she would hurt herself. So I decided to hide her from the truth.
It’s been an about 2 years since this has happened and im still hurt by it. I don’t know how to trust anyone like that again because of what was said. How should I move on from this?
TL:DR ex girlfriend makes the worst joke ever and I let her down easy 😎.