r/fasd

I was diagnosed with FASD as a baby, but I feel like most of what I see online is about kids. I don’t really see a lot from adults talking about what it actually looks like long term.
I’m doing “fine” on paper. I have a job, a house, a fiancé, responsibilities, all that. But the way I function feels… different. And honestly harder than it looks from the outside. I feel so damn alone in this.

Hi, I am no longer in contact with my biological mother, she is very sensitive about this topic and also vindictive after my autism dx because she doesn’t want to believe I have issues from her drinking. I am certain if someone tried to get her statement she would not respond at this point because of the anger she has for her family. She along with others have admitted to me that she binge drank during her pregnancy. I have a screenshot text from her saying she drank as well as a letter from my grandmother and my father’s statement that she was a bartender and they drank together often as well, though he did not know she was pregnant. I do not have many facial features of the disorder minus a thin upper lip but this could be genetics. Do you think this is enough information for a formal dx as an adult? Where would you go for one?

Hello good people!

I’ve been going down this rabbit hole learning about FAS which was prompted because of a new relationship I’m just starting with a really lovely man, who I always noticed was a little different (part of the reason I love him, but I do see a lot of challenges).

His backstory is he grew up in an eastern European orphanage until the age of 6 where he was adopted by an American family and grew up in the states. He talks a lot about his life, but it was only recently he mentioned that his dad is pretty convinced him and his sister have FAS. His dad apparently met his bio mom and she was a severe alcoholic. His adopted dad is a therapist and so he strongly believe my boyfriend has FAS.

When he went more in depth about his diagnosis the other day I started asking him questions such as what does this mean for him developmentally and he started to describe ways in which he is “wired differently” like lack of impulse control. Of course I’ve noticed differences in his behavior, but I always chalked it up to growing up in an institute where he wasn’t even touched as a baby. But once I started reading about FAS, everything clicked.

There are some things I find particularly problematic like his very quick temper, lack of impulse control and compulsive behaviors, complete lack of organizational skills, memory issues and although we can do fun things on a spontaneous level, planning things ahead is challenging. Hes also a little…odd. Again, I love him for being quirky and different, but he sometimes rubs up against other people the wrong way and even with me he doesn’t understand certain social things that most other people seem to get no problem. Like, he pushed past personal boundaries without realizing that might make another person uncomfortable. He’ll do things like squeal directly in my ear because he thinks it’s cute and funny, but it will really bug me and I need to get away. He’ll also barge into the bathroom without knocking, that type of thing. If I mention how these things bother me, he gets cranky and depressed, blows up on me, but then comes back really remorseful. Although these social issues have led to marred relationships, many lost jobs and even some trouble with the law. Out of all things, it’s this lack of understanding that even though he doesn’t think what he is doing is a big deal, others really do. His whole thought process is “it’s not a big deal to me so it shouldn’t be to you.”

I’m trying to envision a future for us that works. If you have any advice to give me on how to be more productive, compassionate and understanding without my compromising my own sense of self, please do share. I’ve dealt with a lot of different personalities while dating. He might be different, but he is not malicious or ill intended. He’s just, for lack of a better word, different.

So let me start by saying my wife has FASD and is on disability. I am also on her case without a disability. More so so her disability doesn’t stop not by choice.. anyways my wife was adopted at like 12 or 13 years old. She was kicked out at 18 because she had a moment…. If you know, you know…. And bounced from the house for a year or two. Her dad bought her a home after the bouncing around.( I believe more so to hide his some of his finances from his ex-wife because it’s half in her name half in his name) or to make it so she couldn’t take it because of my wife’s disability … Mind you he he’s a pilot due to retire soon.

Anyways, he has bribed my wife. He pays her $100 a week and $50 a week in groceries to be on birth control. To make it look like he helps when she’s untitled to way more. While we pay him $1000 a month. Which increases his income. But lower out. I’m not opposed to paying rent however there’s a financial imbalance. Because she FASD and other disabilities, he is responsible for her until she passes or he passes. And even though she’s on disability, ODSP, she could be getting child support from him, and it wouldn’t affect her income.

So there has been whispers that he was moving to Panama a couple years back. A lawyer who happens to be my child’s godmother, mentioned it as well. She also explained to us that if he was to do that, he wouldn’t be responsible for her unless something was set in stone beforehand. And that worries me because she was just told by her father two days ago that he was moving in eight months, possibly and retiring…. So the deal that they have now if he gets upset, he could just stop it in a heartbeat. The house that we live in, he could just stop paying. Our income boost his income and while he’s gonna go travel the world while buy a house in Panama, we’re gonna be sitting here struggling off of $1000 a month. I don’t think that it’s right and I don’t think that’s fair to my wife. I knew when I met her that she was entitled to more, but we never pursued it but now I want to pursue it because I love her and I don’t want her to be without ever. And I fear that if this man leaves. That’s it.

I talked to her tonight and she doesn’t want to start that process with her father. Has anybody else dealt with this? And should I be calling a lawyer like tomorrow?

Also before you judge. Know tomorrow isn’t promised!! The man owes my wife duty’s I wasn’t aware of when we met. And I don’t want her skipped out on by her father when he owes her duty’s for life and moving without anything set in stone could leave us without 100$ at the very least. I’m not worried about myself either. What if something happens to me 5 years from now and my wife is left all alone. She could be left with nothing. And she would potentially have nobody. I don’t want that for her!!!

Posting on the behalf of my friend due to her not having internet access

She has just found out she is 16 week pregnant, she hasn’t had periods for a while due to her own health issues etc. but her breast started to grow and ache, she got a ultrasound and she’s 19week pregnant!
Her worries are that she has been binge drinking hard before she know (about 50 units a week) sometimes more!
And some times 1G cocaine a week.

She’s now very scared and worried something will be up with baby?? Even considering abortion at this late stage as she doesn’t want the baby to suffer
Why advice ? Experiences?