So I have been abusing crack for 4 years this month, i have ADHD but I’m undiagnosed although i am waiting on the diagnosis but I know I have it.
I got clean from heroin in April 2021 and methadone in November 2021 and then in May 2022 I started buying crack, used it lots of times before that over the years but because I was preoccupied with heroin then I never out my way to buy crack, I had a pipe if I was in company and was offered it.
So I used to go out with this guy and we would smoke crack together but he would blast the pipe so much the glass cup would glow and I started getting a little paranoid that it would blow up, and then my paranoia jumped to the fact that certain lighters could blow up, then this upgraded to the glass pipe blowing up and bringing in all the windows with it and causing a massive blow up and a fire, and whilst I know none of this is possible when im straight then as soon as I have a pipe the impossible becomes possible, and in January this year I started hearing things like the pipe getting ready to explode and I had a flash once, I do feel my psychosis is in the beginning stages and I don’t want to go down the route of being prescribed antipsychotics because as shallow and vain as this sounds then I know I’ll put on a shit load of weight, everyone on antipsychotics I know puts on lots of weight with them bevause they increase the appetite.
I googled info about antipsychotics and apparently when it’s in the beginning stages then if you abstain from it for 30 days it will go away, but I can’t manage more than 9 days. I have tried abstaining from it but the honest truth is is that I love that first pipe, and I have tried smoking smaller pipes but they do nothing for me, although I don’t hear things when the pipes are tiny, and what’s the point of getting high if I’m not gonna get high if you get me, and To be honest the crack helps calm down all my random ADHD thoughts and I am pretty calm om it except for the psychosis part, I have started hearing what sounds like a fire about to start and I’m scared I’ll hallucinate a fire and call the fire brigade and get thrown out my homeless accommodation,when I feel the auditory shit happening ive started walking about and touching things that are real and saying over and over “safe and well safe and well”, but my heart is pounding and it’s so scary.
I don’t know what advice I am looking for except to ask if anyone has been through this and managed to stave away the psychosis without taking antipsychotics?
Also I could score valium but it’s fake Valium and we all know the dangers of this, and people say things like “you’ve come off methadone so surely you can come off crack” but they are 2 different drugs and whilst crack isn’t physically addictive it’s mental and obviously opioids and opiates fuck your head up but you don’t get psychosis that I know of anyway, its a much more subtle decline of mental health.